PAGE 232/366 : ANOTHER STORY TO TELL

Okay, after a few days of hiatus, I am back again to annoy you. Hate me for doing this but this is what I love to do. I had been busy for a while and haven't had much time to write anything, but this is one place I can't stay away from too long. There is something here which always keeps pulling me back time and again.

For starters, let me just tell you, this place is more like a “confession box” to me. I come here and say whatever I want to say, without being seen or so to say without being identified, as I know a lot of you haven't seen me yet and those who have, I don't think they read the stuff that I write.

So if you find this place a bit boring, then it is highly advisable that you move on to the next blog.. THANK YOU!!!!

I find it kinda cool to write here and share everything that’s happening around in my otherwise tedious and mind-numbing life.

This week I started driving again after a long time. For those who don’t know I stopped driving a while back after I had a small accident. But now I am back at it again, and man, starting all over again is a pain in the arse.

Driving is not a child’s play, not for me at least. It annoys the shit out of me, when someone tells me what to do and what not to while I am driving. Okay yeah, I am talking about my instructor, who is also a friend as well but thankfully, he’s been rather calm and encouraging so far. So it’s all going well right now.

Writing for live4liverpool.com, which most of the times is fun, haven’t been the same for past few weeks and it didn’t excite me just as much as it used to. WHY?? I don’t know. I just seem to have lost the passion, but thankfully, it’s back again and I am writing in full swing. A positive thing, so I guess it’s a point for me.

Living the kind of life I live is not easy. It sometimes becomes too monotonous and predictable, at the same time however it has its own fun. Waking up late in the morning, sitting in front of my computer all day and then playing football in the evening, which probably would be the only thing I do every day and the same cycle goes on for the entire week. Pretty exciting hah!!!!! I knew it.

Times haven’t really been very kind to me lately; it however was kind enough to teach me something, in a cruel way though.

“Don’t promise or say something which you don’t intend to keep”…

Again, a small thing to lose sleep over, but I hate it when it happens to me. As I said before “Expectation is a bitch” and I hate it when my expectations are not met. To tell you frankly, I am not one of those people who expect a lot from friends or anyone. I however always expect them to keep their words and promises.

I always do my best to keep my words and if I know that I will not be able to do it, then I don’t even bother to promise anything.

Some disappointment, but a lesson well learnt.

This week also gave me a small gift, a friend who I thought I had lost a while back, just got back to me. You all know how it feels when you meet a lost friend. It’s always a pleasure and sure it did make me happy.

To my surprise however, she had read everything I wrote on here. No prize for guessing though, but guess what???????????

She also knew right away that I haven’t been through the best of times recently. After a long talk she gave me something to cheer me up……

thunder_hunter ‏@kitephoenix

@LEONGUI7E No worries, you can tell me anything. We're buddies, right? Now you might wanna listen to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AKmOvKzlkI … Cheer up. =D

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Not something that a lot of you might might find fascinating, but it surely meant a lot to me and it did really cheer me up. Feels good now!!!!!

Looking forward to the weekend, and I’ll take a leave now, so you may enjoy your weekends. Remember all Liverpool FC fans, Premier League will start so let’s all hope for the best.

I shall see you on Monday, there will probably be a lot to talk about then. Hope y’all have a great weekend and I will leave you all with the lyrics to the song that my friend had sent me. Till then Stay safe, Adios!!!!!!!!!

                                   

"Therapy"- All Time Low

My ship went down, in a sea of sound.
When I woke up alone I had everything;
A handful of moments, I wished I could change,
And a tongue like a nightmare, that cut like a blade.
In a city of fools, I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart, like a hurricane.
A handful of moments, I wished I could change,
But I was carried away.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
And you can keep all your misery.

My lungs gave out, as I faced the crowd.
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous.
I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone,
And the experts say I'm delirious.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can take back your misery.

Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to.
They're better off without you.
Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you're supposed to.
They'll fall asleep without you.
You're lucky if your memory remains.

Give me therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can take back your misery.

Therapy, I'm a walking travesty,
But I'm smiling at everything.
Therapy, you were never a friend to me,
You can choke on your misery.

JUST A THOUGHT....... Volume III

  

I am not an avid thinker neither do I think of them in solemnity. I rather spend my time thinking about trivial things rather than important ones. That's been said; however there is one thing that has been bothering me for a while now. I am not even sure where and how to start it, as it is I struggle a lot while putting my thoughts to words. I would however try my best here, because this is one of the most practical things to have come out from my mind, which otherwise seem to be rather occupied with trifling issues.

For some time now, I have been meaning to voice my opinion to each and everyone around me, and to be honest, I wanna scream out saying it. Not that anyone would care though, but I’ll still tell you. Lately, people around me just seem way too concerned about what happens in people’s life other than them. The most exasperating fact is that, most of the things they talk about or lose sleep over, does not even concern them. Not even just a bit and affecting their life is out of question. This just annoys the hell out of me. This is one area where I do not tread and I, for a fact appreciate people who stay away from it as well. If you are one of them people who stay away, then let me tell you, you have my RESPECT!!!!!

Talk about preferences, then, I prefer people who know the art of “Minding their own Frigging business”. Sometimes it’s just to better when people just mind their business and don’t jab into other people lives. Not sure if you feel that way, but I deffo do. I’d rather live my life on my own terms and I'd very much prefer if people just kept out of it.

Sometimes I ask myself why they do it. The reasons are best known to them, but yeah it surely is irritating to say the least. Or maybe they derive delight out of it, who knows!!!! Not much of my concern as to why they do it, however it’s be much better if they didn’t.

It seems now I have reached halfway through this, as always it’s happening again. Because now I am kind of drifting away from what I had started out with, I am lost now!!!!! It always happens, now I am not sure which direction am I heading towards. Even if I drift away, I will try my best to jot every piece together and end it on a same note, hopefully. Just be patient and don’t give up on me and keep reading.

So here I go again…..

I talk about bringing changes, doing something good for the community and blah blah blah!!!! And sometimes I think about helping the poor, about world peace and about other things that could probably just make this world a better place. I do it a lot and I am sure I am not the only one doing it. In my humble opinion though, these are the things that we don’t have any control over and there is very little that we can do to change it.

It’s the bitter truth of life to be honest, if there is good then there will be bad and if there are rich people then there will be the poor. That’s the law of nature and that’s how things are balanced. There is not much anyone could possibly do about it.

So I am not going to talk about world peace neither will I annoy you with all the bringing change and doing something good, blabbering!!! No, that’s not what I intend to do.

However there is a small thing which I think if everyone can master, then not sure about the world though, but I am pretty sure our individual lives would be a lot better. And if that happens then the world would slowly but surely would get better. I strongly believe in that!!!

Trust me I do.

Having said that however, you must be thinking either I have completely lost it or you might possibly be trying to make some sense of it. Whichever way suits you, is fine by me.

So, one more time, here I go again…

Yeah!!! You guessed it right!!! I haven’t lost it and I am talking about the art of “Minding our own businesses”. A small thing perhaps, however very practical. I think what other people do, especially when it doesn’t concern me, is not my business and what I do, most of the time, is not their business. Sometimes we need to stay away and just let people live the way they want to. 

I will not make an impression that it would bring world peace or do a lot of good for humanity for that matter. Sadly, it will not. It will however without a doubt make life a lot better for you and for the people around you. Somewhat trivial thing to be concerned about, it however can do a lot o good rather than bad. So, make someone happy today...... And mind your own friggin business. Just a thought??????? Maybe not!!!!

FORGIVENESS: Continuation Of The Thought Process...

Everyone, including me, has been hurt by the actions or words of another. These wounds can and almost all the time leaves us with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance. Trust me; I am the worst when it comes to forgiving someone for something they did. There, however have been times when I did, and it felt really great, to tell you the truth. Forgiveness, in my simple view, is an act of caring for myself. When you've been hurt by someone, it can take an almost superhuman effort to move forward. But I've learned that if I dwell in that past, I'm surrendering and giving over my serenity and peace of mind. That's not a wise thing to do. Of course, we all want others to accept accountability and repentance for what they did, honestly though, we can't make that happen. And if amends aren't forthcoming, it's best for us to move on.

I will not say forgive and forget, because I believe we all can forgive but not forget; we just learn to live with it. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge and it’s never an easy thing to do. I have failed a lot of times and I assume, so did almost every one of us. Because of one simple fact, that the acts that hurt or offended me have always remained a part of my life and it’s never easy to forget. However I realize that forgiveness can lessen its grip on me and help me focus on other, positive parts of life and it can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiving, however doesn't mean that I deny the other person's responsibility for hurting me neither does it minimizes or justifies the wrong. I can and I am sure all of us can forgive without excusing the act. When someone close to us hurts us it makes us angry, sad or confused. Dwelling on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root and if you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by our own bitterness or sense of injustice.

I have been unforgiving in the past and honestly, I have paid the price for it repeatedly by bringing ugliness into every relationship and a new experience. One time it felt that my life was so wrapped up in the wrong that I wasn’t able to live the present. There were times when I was depressed and anxious and it felt like I had lost the purpose of my existence, and that I was at odds with your spiritual beliefs. That was the time when I lost precious and inspiring connectedness with others.

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change and I learnt my lessons too little too late. But as they say, “better late than never”, I have embraced this change in me just a bit though!!!! But I can surely say things are getting better.

On personal note however, I still find forgiveness the hardest when the person who's hurt me doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of his or her sorrow and doesn’t show any sign of atonement. That’s when I mull over the situation from their perspective and ask myself a lot of questions, like, what would have I done had I been in their situation. It helps a lot; it’s not a child’s play for me though, mainly because I have a temper, a bad one and most of the times I find it hard to control my actions when I am angry. And when I am angry forgiveness is a far cry. However then I look back at times when I hurt people and was forgiven, a broad view for the people around me helps more often than not. It’s easier said than done however surely effective. No one is perfect and I accept that. Because I know for a fact that I am not perfect and I can’t expect anyone to be perfect either.

By forgiving someone I don’t imply getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words. Rather forgiveness should be more about bringing changes to our lives in the form of peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Everyone makes mistakes and there is no stopping it and it’s always best to admit our gaffes rather than sulk in it. Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you; they also need their time, let them take it. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.

INSPIRATION

An inspiration. What is it you may ask and honestly that’s what I ask myself a lot of times. Well, to me an inspiration the process of instilling faith and motivation in someone to have a go at life; it’s something which is worth a thousand words, maybe even more than that. It doesn’t necessarily have to be done by a person; however it can be a song, a phrase, a story, a movie or even an incident, it can be anything. If you look for it you’d find inspiration in every little thing and trust me, I get inspired very easily, and this is one quality that I love about myself.

There are a lot of people who have inspired me, a lot of them do things simply out of the kindness in their heart, and do not realize they are inspiring others around them.

An inspiration can change our lives and I have seen it doing so in a positive way. When we inspire others, we're living from our higher selves. When we're being inspired, we expand beyond what we previously were, or know our selves to be, our lives have new breath.

What inspires you? You might ask yourself a lot of times, so do I. To know what inspires you, go back to your memories, sit back, relax and think about the time when you felt most motivated, the times when you felt that you can achieve anything in this world and get what you want. Look for the common things amongst the different times, places and circumstances that made you feel that way, was it something that someone did for you or was it something else. Think about what's inspired you in the past and look to see what's missing now.

There are a lot of times when I lie awake on my bed, trying my best to sleep, which is never the best thing to do, but it is then when I get some of my best ideas to write. These quiet moments inspire me a lot sometimes and it is when I write a lot of my stuff. To sum it up, I find inspiration in the everyday life and maybe every small thing that happens.  I am fascinated by relationships of all types–happy ones, complicated ones, unusual ones. I am inspired by thoughts, phrases, songs, movies, sometimes by people around me and loneliness as well.  Through writing, I often attempt to dissect the meaning behind something that has happened or to describe a particular feeling or emotion. Though I don’t know how much I succeed in doing that it surely helps in a lot of ways.

Things go wrong in everyone’s life, and it’s an inevitability that it‘d happen to you as well. Don't beat yourself up when it does; do not blame anyone for how your life has turned out. Life is a constant process and it isn't static. When you fall, don't be disappointed rather acknowledge the fall, everyone falls once in their lifetime and so will you. Embrace its impact on your life. When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you or you can let it strengthen you. Honestly, at some point, all this will go away and it does; you just need to trust the process.  

An inspired life however isn't only about inspiration. It's also about elation, about passion and living life fully. Sometimes you gotta do something different and bring in a change to your normal life. Talk to someone you don’t like and wouldn’t normally talk to, and talk like you’ve known them for years. Be smart or be naïve, be exactly the kind of person they prefer talking to. Just let it loose and you’ll find a pretty good chance of an inspiration because sometimes inspiration comes knocking at your door when you least expected. If a certain type of person inspires you, follow and nurture the attraction. If you love a certain type of music or movie then indulge yourself in it, just forget the world for few moments and surround yourself with what you love the most. Lose yourself in what you love and be inspired.

I am most of the times inspired by what has happened, this however doesn’t mean that I am and can’t be inspired by something new that previously didn't affect you. I have always enjoyed the challenge of communicating what I each experience in my everyday life, bringing those unique moments to life through words and sentences. I might not and I am sure I am not a great writer but the wonderful thing about writing is that I can pass on inspiration; if I, in any way, am able to find out and convey some aspect of life, if I am able to educate or entertain the people who read my writing, I may also have the opportunity to inspire them as well.

I’ve learned that when I am feeling down and out, I need to accept this as a time to think and reflect upon the life as it’s turning out to be, and allow myself to look for things to make me happy until it changes the complexion of the things I am going through. I have also learned that I enjoy life the best when I don’t really care about anything, when I am just messing around and being a kid, yeah, sometimes being a kid inspires me.
On an ending note, I leave you all with a quote that has inspired me for sometimes now:
"If it's not happy then it's not the end; it's just the beginning of good things to come". And trust me, it's TRUE.

HONESTY!!!!! Just A Thought Perhaps....

Okay, so let me start from where we left off the other day. We were talking about my inability to trust people, this time however it's going to be a bit different from what I had written then. Today I am not going to talk about trust or anything of that sort, neither am I going to talk about disappointments. It's just so depressing when I talk about all that. So I’d rather refrain myself from that and probably talk about something worthwhile.

It's been a while since I haven't been thinking about only myself, how I feel and what I am and what I have been through. I am sure that you all are pretty much tired of it and I am sure you all would love to read about something else, something which would be a bit more meaningful and may be a bit useful.

I have been thinking, or should I say lately I have been in a thinking mode for more than my liking. Positive and negative all kind of thoughts and yeah I have been honest about letting them out. There were times though when I lied knowing that truth might and will hurt someone. Not a cool thing to do. I know it however I have done it a lot of times and I don’t think I will be stopping it soon. However as fate would have it, no lie is hidden forever and when it comes out it hurts more, not just the person I lied to but it hurts me as well. Honesty or being truthful hurts momentarily but a lie always leave a scar, something which is not easy to erase and once the trust is gone then it takes a lot of time to rebuild what is lost.

So, what is the point here? It's simple, like the old saying I just want to reiterate the phrase "Honesty is the best policy". I haven't been completely honest in my life, so you must be wondering why am I talking about this. Well, in a lifetime everyone gets a chance of an epiphany. You could say I have just achieved it. It’s been rather a late realization but as they say better late than never.

One of the most important virtues of life is honesty because it is one of the ways that people judge you and without it I believe our lives will not be worth what they could be. Along the way, if you think I am getting didactic, I seek your indulgence.

Honesty, while this sounds simple and easy to explain, it's surprisingly rather difficult to practice. A lot of times in my life and I assume everyone has more or less indulged in fibbing - those "innocuous" white lies - to quickly get whatever we want or just to avoid a particular situation. While doing it a lot of times, I thought it never affected anybody adversely and trust me I used to think its okay to lie sometimes. But then again comes a thought what if the same thing were to happen to me, what if someone tried to please me with a “White lie” would I be happy with it? My answer is simple, NO. For one reason, I have always told people around me to rather hurt me with the truth than to please me with a lie. My point is, if I don’t enjoy being lied to then no one would and it’s a FACT.

Everyone knows that it’s best to be honest but then why do we choose to be dishonest? I think the primary reason we choose living a dishonest life is the prospect of facing the consequences of our actions, the other significant reason being that we don't like unpleasantness, either in our lives or in the lives of those whom we care about. Noble cause perhaps but not the best one. Truth always comes out and we all know it. I am sure no one would like to be called dishonest or being judged by that.

As I said before being honest is easier said than done but there is only one way to do things right and that’s HONESTY and a million ways to do it wrong. No one can keep all of the untrue things straight and no one ever will. It’s just a lot easier and more productive, in the long run, to be honest. The best part about being honest is that there is no fear of getting caught neither is there any need of another lie to support a lie and I feel that we, as human are strong enough to handle any situation that might come out of being honest. Be strong and stay honest.

So, as the an ending note I’d leave you all with a line from a good charlotte song the truth;

“I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me”.

NO ONE IS PERFECT

I woke up this morning with a rather strange feeling. I don’t know why but for some reason I‘ve been wondering about perfection and if there is anyone fit to be called one. Well, this world has seen great men and women but no one comes close to being perfect. 
I just think that this is a healthy way to view the world. This doesn't depress me or anything. It's about being realistic about human nature and self-preservation. If you recognize it, you'll actually feel much better about the world, know how to avoid the obstacles, because I strongly believe that perfection is just a myth and it doesn’t exist. But then again it’s just me and my thoughts.
However I would seriously want you to think about it once and take it into consideration.
The primary motivation of most people is to forward their own interests, in other words, everyone is in some way or the other selfish. So am I. Anytime anyone does something, you have to ask yourself "What are they getting out of this, what is their motivation" Most of the time, it doesn't matter, because it's about trivial nonsense. But when it comes to mixing relationships with friendship, work, love, that's when you have to worry. Does this person have a hidden agenda? Why are they calling me out of the blue like that, they never seemed to care?

When you think about someone's character, the person they are, you can get some idea of how much you can trust them or how much you can confide in them. Some people I know cannot be trusted at all, others, yeah perhaps I can trust a bit, however not too much. But the thing of it is this--- everyone has their breaking point, the point where their interests outweigh your own and they WILL betray you. Sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's a little, but it's almost always there.
So, what I am saying is that you cannot trust anybody 100%, and you can’t any expect anyone to be perfect. And there is nothing wrong with that, because human beings are imperfect by nature. You can't expect perfection from strangers, friends, lovers, and family.  With that being said, it doesn't mean that I am in any way trying to imply that we shouldn't love people around us.

Nobody is perfect and no one deserves to be perfect. The truth is no one has it easy, everybody has issues and everyone has a different story to tell. You would never know what the others are going through. So, pause before you start judging, criticizing or mocking others. Everyone is fighting their own unique war, and whatever they say or do, it has a reason. 

So if you in some way think that you are not perfect, i guess you don’t need to worry about it too much.  You are not alone. No one is perfect.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren’t the way you had hoped they would be. There may be days when you wake up in the morning and wished that everything you are going through was just part of the dream last night. I woke up this morning to the same feeling; this may just be one of those days when everything seems to work against me.

I am sure that you all go through the same thing, same kind of feeling, if not every day then maybe on some off days. That’s when you have to tell yourself that things will get better.  That’s when it’s most important to not lose hope. I know it’s easier said than done, it however is the sad truth. There are times when people disappoint you, let you down and trust me; you will find times like this throughout you entire life. This is just one part of life that no one can throw away. But those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life, and it is up to you to accept them. There will be changes unpleasant or perhaps ones that you never imagined you’d go through. It may not be easy at times; some of it might make you weak and even break you. However, it is these times of struggle when you will have a better sense of who you are and you’d realize that you are way stronger than you had known yourself to be. All you gotta do is believe that you are stronger than the problems and the changes, like Kelly Clarkson would sing “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”; I know it’s just a song but yes, it has a lot of inspiration to it.

It’s times like this when you gotta love yourself the most and have faith in your abilities. People can talk and say all they want to; however it’s you and your life and you call all the shots. It is times like these when you gotta trust your instinct, sit back and relax and take control of your life to make sure that if there is anything wrong in your life, it’s your responsibility to make it right.

So when the days come that are filled with frustration and unexpected responsibilities, remember to believe in yourself and most importantly, the direction you want your life to head to. Because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.