PARADISE BURNT: UNITY IN DESOLATION?????

For the past few days I had been meaning to write and get back to my old way of being that obnoxious writer, who would sometimes annoy the shit out of you yet still pretend to be very cerebral. Never mind all that shit. There are however a lot of things going through my mind; my mind, which has a very small and slow thinking capacity, not to forget a very bad grasping power, has been put to real test lately, with so much to go through. 
Lately the very little thinking capacity or thought process that my mind possesses has all been engrossed with what’s happening in Manipur. It is sad and at the same time galling to no end. I don’t think I need to go into the detail of what has happened and why it has happened. I am sure everyone must be aware of everything that’s happened, and if you don’t know it, feel free to google it. Google has all the answers. Some very powerful truths and some very biased views, and while you are into it, I also give you the freedom to choose sides. I, as the writer of this column however, will always choose my people and their sufferings, not only because they are my people, but because I feel and I know I am choosing the right side. It has been very sad turn of events for the people there, while there were some who sold the people, their land and their rights for money, others gave whatever they had, to keep the pride, land, the rights of tribal people and dignity unharmed.Contrasting type of people, but they do exist everywhere, as they say good and bad coexist, it is the law of nature I presume.

I haven’t lived in Manipur all my life, but I do feel the pain and their anger, I feel the same throbbing even though I am more than two thousand miles away. There are few things that I don’t understand though, we, the entire Northeast people are treated as outsiders in India, no matter how hard we try to blend in and we all feel bad, well bad is just an understatement, it actually brings down everyone.  Each and every person from the Northeast felt the  pain when this whole ‘Alienate the Northeastern’ was at its peak and during that time, being at home i.e. our respective states was the most comforting thing in the world. For a moment I thought, finally this part of the country is uniting as one, only to be utterly disappointed. Now imagine, let’s leave the entire country aside, because, ummmmmmmlet’s just say, India is just too big a country for everyone to blend in and be as one, let us concentrate on what we have on our hands right now, if being alienated in our own country feels that bad, imagine what would it bring you, if you were the have that same treatment in your own state. Imagine yourself being thrown out of your own backyard, and imagine being called an outsider in your own hometown. That doesn’t sound to good right, you know what, it gets us right in the feels, and to know the sense of everything, you must see and feel, or at least try, like us.

A lot of protests followed, some of that, I must admit, were out of the line and a bit violent or radical for my own liking. I can’t however; deny the fact, that it was needed. In fact, I saw this coming, a long time back, though I wasn’t expecting it to come to soon. Well, as they say, the sooner, the better. And to some extent the better it is, I would and all the people who can empathize with what has happened would understand why. A lot of criticism was drawn towards the protest that ensued, both constructive and destructive, while a lot of people just jumped on the bandwagon of how the protestors should protest; giving the example of Anna Hazare and even Gandhi led Indian movements, well to me that was really absurd. To all those people, I have something to say ‘kindly stay the fuck off if you don’t know the depth of all this’. I feel in all honesty, sometimes you’ve got to make your voice heard, but not just by shouting while marching on, but by burning and revolting, some might deem it as being violent to me however, it is just the necessary evil sometimes. I don’t personally advocate violence, however I now feel that sometimes you’ve got to take the hard stance and bear some loss however precious they might be, in the long run, I feel it will help.

Then there a lot of voices raised on how violent the crowd got and there were some who voiced their concerns about the treatment of people by the armed forces. While I feel very much obliged with the people who empathized with the people there, I would also like to raise my voice a bit here. The protesters did what every protester does; the question however is the conduct of the security forces. What I do not understand is how security forces resort to shooting the unarmed protesters without warning, using tear gases and water cannons, even using rubber bullets would have been understood. How the government sanctioned the usage of live bullets at the protestors is beyond me, I am no human rights activist or something, but I do know this for a fact that it has never happened anywhere else before, and I thought to myself, maybe Manipur was on its way to make history. I however was wrong, a huge part of my own country was still unaware of all this, which was utterly appalling to say the least and the very few who knew about it, branded it as a regular communal riots, and even as a riot instigated by the underground. It was a crying shame that no one noticed, what these people went through.

Yet here I was, thousands of miles away, hearing the news every day, reading about it over the internet and sometimes making some nervous calls back home. A lot of times it did actually make me very apprehensive, people were being shot and killed, even kids and the number rose as days went by. I started hating everyone involved in it, the hate which was there inside me for a long time, started to really grow with time. I still hate a lot of them still and looks like it is gonna stay this was for a long time. There were a lot of sleepless nights thinking what would happen next, a lot of nervous moments every time I hear someone has died, maybe for the fear that it could be someone close.

Everything seemed to go against us and my people at that time, and I felt we were being played by the authorities. The authorities, for whom, we the tribals have always been a pain, and honestly, they have never liked us, and we never did liked them. It was sort of a vicious circle spinning from time immemorial. They have always tried to take away our land, and there is no denying that this time they played every card to almost perfection, that what nagged me the most to be honest. Passing bills, enraging the people, killing them, instigating them to fight back, so they could kill some more and finally shut the voices down, making it look like state against the tribals. Which I think was not the case, it was, for me more like people of the valley against the people from the hill.

It was saddening to hear and read about the people who lost their lives during this atrocity, possibly because, I had a common tie with them and I could connect with them and feel their pain, it was even more heartbreaking to know all of them were still so young and some did not even start living their life. Imagine a 10 year old being shot dead, even when he had surrendered and begged them not to shoot, that is not what the armed forces were supposed to do. They were supposed to keep order not to break it. It was painful, to see everything going out of hand, the plight of the people was unheard, and the rage still burning high, all this could have led to a worse situation and for a moment I thought, we were heading towards a civil war, which would have brought a lot more destruction and agony to our people.

Everything that happened was depressing, however as the saying goes “everything happens for a reason”, and there was a reason behind all this too. If not for anything else, all this tension brought the tribal people together. The tribal people who always had the history of fighting against each other, the main reason why they were never taken seriously, all stayed behind. Everyone came together united, shouted in one voice and for one goal; to save the tribesmen and their dignity. If all this, the tension and killings, happened because the unification was supposed to take place, then these heroes made the right  sacrifice. Sometimes dead people can do so much to wake the living ones, and this was the perfect example of that. And in my opinion they would be proud of us, just like we are proud of them.

Not sure how long this unity will stay, noting the fact that we all have that fighter inside us, and we fight sometimes, for insignificant issues while overlooking the bigger picture. And the picture cannot be any clearer than this now, all it takes is for us to be united and realize that we all belong together. And as long as we stay together, there is no one, not single thing that could take away what he have and what we deserve and I hope that as long as this unity stays, we make it count and do something worthwhile, for all the sacrifices made are just a bit too precious to go in vain.

We have lost our paradise once, and this is our chance to get it back. This can’t stop now and this should not stop now. The road is long, but there are ways to get it, only if we will and it will only happen if we are together. For one cause, for one love and for us.

NEVER GIVE UP

Never give up. Three words we often hear, honestly, easier said than done. A lot of times we come across people who are in need of some support and maybe a bit of sympathy. And a lot of times it happens that we end up telling them to never give up. Well, most of us, say this without even thinking for a split second if what I am saying is relevant to his situation or not. And a lot of times we say this without even trying to analyze their situation completely. That brings me to a question. Why? Why do we do this? Well, ummmmmm… maybe it’s the easiest way to escape the situation and the possible crying and whining that we, most of the times, have no interest about. In books or movies, we see a lot of times that most of problems and worries are summed up and solved by never give up and it actually works wonders as well. In real life however, it rarely happens. That’s probably the reason why it’s called life.

Okay, so am I being pessimistic? If you want to think that way, then fine I might be, just a little though. I would however like to see myself as more of a realist than pessimist or an optimist. Having called myself a realist doesn’t however in no way means I am rebuffing my belief about this and also the fact how my life has shaped up, because of this. I am in simple words trying to iterate just as much it’s important to believe in “never giving up” it is also important to know that giving up doesn’t always means you’ve conceded defeat. It simply means, sometimes you are strong enough to let go. (Well that’s taken from a post on facebook that I stumbled on a while back).

Let me ask you a question before we really get started. How many times have you been in a situation where giving up seemed to be the only way out? How many times have you thought and told yourself “Fuck this.... I am quitting”? How many times have you been in a situation where no one seemed to be on your side, let alone your friends? How many times have you been in a situation when everything you do just seems to fall apart and the road ahead seems to be rather tricky or impossible to walk on through? Just imagine yourself in that situation. And now, create a picture of yourself telling me about everything you are going through. What would you expect from me? Probably, some words of sympathy and a bit of understanding and a lot of encouragement. Right?? Well, I am no different and I am sure everyone else would expect and want the same thing. Now imagine if I just ended everything by just saying “Never give up”. How would you feel? I don’t think it will help in a big way. If you ask me the same, then I guess I might just as well tell you to fuck off, you don’t know a shit about what I am going through. I am not sure if you would. But I would for sure.

Often, I have been guilty of misjudging people for who they are, without even knowing who they were and what they’ve been through. It’s hard not to do it sometimes, because I have always been of that belief, that a man can overcome anything if he really wanted to. But honestly, that’s not the truth. A lot of people fail. A lot of people give up and a lot of people die trying. Well again, yes, we do all go through different situation and we should always be strong enough to face what life throws at us. Because I believe if god gives us a problem, then there is a solution for that as well and giving up is absolutely not that option.

Giving up is rather easy thing, it’s not and will never be the solution however a lot of people do give up. I do the same too, a lot of times, sometimes even after telling myself to be strong. Words do always come easy; however there is a huge difference between saying it and actually doing it. Not a lot of people can live up to their words. Me????? I have been a failure in that more often than not.

Well, the point is that, lately, I have been thinking about people, addiction and facing life when you have nothing going for you and  a lot of people do live through this and come out of it, happier than ever. Only because they never gave up.  If holding on is not easy for me, then I think it won’t be for them as well. However they do succeed in overcoming everything, every obstacle and every problem. Not because they are stronger than me, not because the guy above loves them more than me, and not because they came with super powers. But only because, they believed. And when you have that power of belief and will, then I think nothing in this world can stop you from doing what you want and getting what you have wished for. I’m sure I don’t need any example to prove this.

And to sum up everything, let me just phrase something I read a while back. “We are stronger than we think, and there is not a single thing we can't do. All we need is a bit of faith, and if we don't have faith, we have nothing.” Ah, well it's just a random thing that popped up in my mind and posted on twitter. So, yeah it's me again telling everyone not to give up on what they wished for and not to give up on life, because everything has it's purpose, the smiles, the tears and the laughters, everything. And one day you'll see that everything you went through will make you a better person. It may difficult to hold on but it's even harder to regret your whole life.

Just walk on.

Take care.

Adios.

LEARNING NEVER STOPS

Ever since I complained about the hectic schedule at work and the long work hours, that’s taken a toll on me, unexpectedly, the work load has reduced. Since then, I have had a lot of breathing space at work. It’s been kind of welcomed change, more so because it has been just a bit too hectic at work. Things have changed ever since, up to the extent that I am now writing this, while I drink my tea… And guess where? Of course at work, on my desk.

  
Talk about work, then it had taught me few things, while a lot might sound a bit selfish to you however still handy in everyday life. For instance, I've always been taught to help others in every possible way. “If people aren't as good to us still then help them anyway.” That’s what I've been taught ever since I've come to senses. But it doesn't really apply to my work here. Here, if you help people out of goodwill, they will, in almost every case turn on you and expect the same every time. And if you ever fail someday, then it is and will surely turn against you. That is a fact. That’s how it works here. Though personally I love helping people here, however, it annoys me when they fail to acknowledge the work. So, the first thing that I've learnt here is, help people, however first analyze who is to help and how they should be helped. Helping people for every small thing can turn against you. Once again, against the teaching I received as a kid, however much handy in life if followed properly.

           The other thing that my work taught me is how to put my words across. This is banking and people here usually don’t care about what we do for them; however they are happy with the kind of words we shower on them. For example, you can give someone a plain “NO”, which can be rude sometimes or you can twist your words in a way it pleases the ears. Words, how you say it and how you put it across really makes an impression, not just in the bank but in everyday life. I have learnt, a lot of people are just happy with two nice words and it can really work wonders sometimes. Politeness never hurts anyone.

We all as humans, love a lot of things about ourselves, and our pride and ego is one of them. However bad the person might be, just never hurt someone’s ego, most of us, especially guys, love it more than anything else in the world. It stays with them. A lot of people that I come across here at this place either come with a smile on their faces or with huge egos in their personality. If it's a smile on the face, then it's not a problem, who doesn't love a smile on someone's face. However it it's a ego that they carry around with them, then we have a problem. Honestly, though it annoys me to no end sometimes and I prefer to stay away from these kinds of people more often than not, however dealing with them helps in understanding different kind of people and how to deal with them when face to face. I have seen, nothing makes a man happier than making him believe you respect them for who they are and you are in awe of them, well kind of. If you do them, treat them with respect, though just from the outside, it pleases them to no end. And a happy proudy man can be and is, in most cases, the best man to deal with. This however I find the hardest of them all, however as a banker I go through in my everyday life, and honestly, I kind of mastered the art of doing it as well. I do, have my fair share of ego in me as well, however keeping that aside has helped me a lot. It’s not always the best thing to actually, face ego with ego. When dealing with kind of self-centred person, it’s always best to not show yours. This is one very good thing to follow, because if by faking something, you bring someone delight and preserve their self respect, then I think it’s not a very bad thing to do.

They say hard work pays off in the long run, and I say “You must mix hard work with smart work”. For simple reason, hard work can get everything sorted in time; however it can really take a toll on your body and mind. However smart work can not only reduce the work load, it also reduces the physical and mental pressure. If you know how to do it, then you’d enjoy work with greater success. I have in, my short career as a banker haven’t been able to pertain that much as yet, however this is something I've learnt over the course of past 5-6 years. I used to be one of those, dumb hard working guy, who’d work his ass off without much of a result. That has changed since long, I have developed a petite knack of mixing hard and smart work, and honestly, things have become much smoother. Well, that is of course, in terms of work and studies.

Speaking, telling someone what you feel and what and how you do things, has its fun, however it is very important to be a good listener. We all listen to our close ones, like friends and family, but listening to a stranger giving you a lot of crap, isn't quite as cool. Being a public servant, I face a lot of people like that, who just wouldn’t stop, either they’d go on bragging about themselves or they just come up with their everyday shit, a lot of times it exasperates me to the core. Though, it kills a good chunk of productive time for me, however it fulfills the criteria of being a good customer service provider, which in turn is one of the basic quality that we must have. Being a listener, to all these people, especially strangers have also helped me develop patience in me. This has been one of my weak points for a long time, for a simple reason, that I haven’t been a listener for my whole life.  If I am to listen, the first thing I need to have is patience. If I don’t have it, then I am not a good listener. Simple.

We exist in a society, where in some way or the other, we affect each other’s life. Small things we do matter a lot and sometimes the smaller they are, the bigger the consequences. Sometimes, we either ignore or are just blind to what we do or how we affect people, however these small things do offer us a lot to learn. And if used properly, it can be life changing. It might not give us the best; it will however make our lives a lot better than what it is now. We, all learn from things we do, schools or colleges we attend and also from the place we work at. Life never ceases to amaze and to teach, no one has and will never learnt everything that life has to offer, we all learn things one by one and in due time. I am not in any way trying to imply here that I have learnt a lot, however I can claim that I have become a better person and have developed a better understanding of things around me.

Okay, so this is it for the time being, I will continue with the experience at work in weeks to come, however as of now. I shall take you excuse. Will see you very soon, until then, take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DECISION MAKING: THE HARD CHOICE

Choices..... It's easy sometimes and difficult others. I mean we all go through a phase where we need to make some choices, about life, relations, career or everything. Sometimes, these choices are about small things (however, with bigger consequences) and sometimes they are about bigger issues (however, small consequences). Whatever they are or they might be, it's not always the easiest thing to make choices, well, not at-least for me. I have always been one of the people who lacks the precision when it comes to choosing something or making decisions. I need a second opinion in most of the cases, however small or big issues they are, I can't remember clearly if there is one decision that I made on my own. Honestly, there has been very few.

 

Let me begin with a question.... How many times have you had this thought of taking second opinion? How many times have you thought someone else might know things better than you and it'd be better if you asked them before actually doing it? And how many times have had this doubt about your plans that you had to consult other, even without liking it a bit? If there has been then I think we are more or less the same, as I go through the same thing every time I plan on doing something. I am always unsure about things that I am doing or I am planning to do.

Honestly, I am at the age and situation where I should be deciding things on my own and implementing it. However, that is not the case. Inside I am still like that lost kid who always needs a guidance and opinion. Decision making has never been my strength, I have always ended up taking second opinion or consulting people, that maybe because I don't have much confidence about my knowledge and am always unsure about what I am planning to do and the consequences that might occur afterwards. That's one of the main reasons why I end without doing the things that I planned or without buying things that I want. It does happen a lot of times with me.

Let me give you few situations. I had been planning to buy a tab for a while now, however because of my old habit of consulting, I haven't bought it yet. And it's been more than eight months since I had planned this. I ended up choosing something and then asked everyone around about the feedback and everything. And now I am more confused than ever, as to which one to choose or what to buy or whether I should buy it or whether I really need it or not. All these doubts now fill my head and I haven't been able to make up my mind and decide on what I should do.

The other time, I had planned to buy a laptop. I had my eyes set on a Sony VAIO, however as it's always happened, I made the mistake or should I say, repeated the same thing of asking my friends and relatives about laptops and everything. After consulting everyone possible now I am confused, which one I should go for. Everyone has a suggestion and a brand that they trust, which does not necessarily match to what I had in mind. And call it lack of decisiveness as you like, now I am confused. And I think, I'd end up not buying anything for a while. Annoying it might be, but that's who I am that's how I am.

Friends sometimes get annoyed with it, but I just can't help it. I just wanna be sure about what I am doing and everything.

That has however it's own advantages. For one, it helps me not to do things in haste without thinking about it, which in a long run is helpful in choosing what is the best for me, well in most cases it has and I believe it will. And two, it increases the knowledge. I mean, it helps me know about things in proper way. So, I think it helps and it's not a very bad thing to do.

However, by doing so, I have become more reliant on people and now it's hard for me to decide on things. Well, there are few things I decide without taking any second opinion however, I always tell my folks about what I am doing. After all, it's better that way., Though, it's not good to be overtly reliant on people. It reduces your judgmental power, for after all, it's I, who needs to decide on what I do and what I don't.

I have tried and many times, I have decided that I will not do it, however as they say, old habits die hard. It happens every time. Sometimes it does happen just out of habit, without me even planning on doing it.

Annoying? Yeah, it sure is annoying and very much annoying. I don't know what I am gonna do or how I am gonna manage when I am older, well older than this. And when I have a family of my own. Well, it's not as bad to ask opinions around however not the best way to be always reliant on people. 

If you are one of those people, then I guess I have something to tell you and here is a piece of advice for everyone who reads it. It's good to take second opinion or at-least letting your folks know about what you are and will do, but make sure that you draw a line as to where you use your own conscience and make a decision. Some decision can be really big, up to an extent of being life changer for someone, and in those cases it's always better to consult someone who has better experience and better knowledge, maybe someone older. Though, being old doesn't necessarily gives you the wisdom to always choose the right thing, however experience counts. The more things you go through, the different kind of situation you go through, the more ideas you have, as to how to tackle it, or should I say face it. That's what experience is all about, and in life, it counts. It's never bad to consult your elders however do so, only when it is really important and just refrain from being too dependent on them. Because as it is, we end up blaming others whenever something goes wrong, especially when we have taken a second opinion. So, to save yourself from that blame-game, just be reliant on your knowledge and your ability but don't hesitate if there is any need of a second opinion.

Especially those people who matter to you, because your decision most of the times, effects them and it doesn't hurt to think about what is beneficial for everyone around (well,not everyone but “Everyone”).

However, let me tell you, this is just what I think and doesn't necessarily be applicable in your case. Just try and think about it, for decision making is no child's play and obviously, it should be done after carefully thinking about it. And make sure you do that in future. I can assure you, you'd be much happier if that happens.

Well,  that's it for now. I leave you with a lot to think about. I shall see you very soon.  Till then take care and stay safe. 

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SECOND COMING...... WELL, SORT OF.

Helloooooooo.............!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM BACK........!!!!!!!!!!

It's been quite a long time. Oh yeah, it has been. I don't don't know why? But for some reasons I kept myself away from writing for so long. It seems like a decade to me to be very honest. But if i say that so, honestly, I would be lying. Honestly though, things at work were slightly out of hands, which meant i had very little or no time at all to write or do something else. Been meaning to write something or the other for a while but just couldn't find the time and also there was very few exciting things happening in my life worth writing about, unless I start writing about what I do at work, what I eat and what do I do when I have an off. Obviously, no one is interested in knowing all that crap. And I will, for that matter, save you from the misery of going through all that.

So, days, weeks and months have gone by, I for one, would assume that all my readers, especially you are doing fine (not even sure how many actually read this thing).

Things, have been pretty ordinary here with me, have seen very few exciting things in this past six months or so. Though I would rule out that nothing exciting happened at all during this time the days were too far and few in between. Nevermind, there were days when I had my share of fun, and there were days when I just hoped it to end sooner than it usually does, which in simple words we call it as very boring days. And if I talk about work, it has been nothing less than mega-hectic, for different reasons, but yeah!!!! It has been very hectic few months and I had been longing to get out of this mess for a while.

But in all, I wouldn't deny the fact that the days went by sooner than I had expected, maybe it was because of the work schedule, which was in every sense keeping me busy for almost 10 hours in a day. Tiring, it may be I am still, in a way thankful that it helped me kill time. If not for work, time just doesn't seem to move. If you don't believe me, then you should see me on weekends. It is nothing less than a struggle to go through the entire day, and I swear I kid you not!!!!!!

You know, sometimes, leading a normal life has it's own advantages though. It saves you all the drama and the heartache you go through, which could in a way, ruin your peace of mind for few days, weeks or maybe even month. And it's better especially, when you lead a hectic life as mine, mainly because it doesn't put you in a situation, where you need to think too much, or really put an effort despite of being low, to get things straight. These are the situation that I try to avoid or I must say, I'd do anything to avoid. Honestly, sometimes, I do think about all these stars who lead a life watched by millions of people everyday and I can't help but feel pity for them. Sometimes I do wish to be in their shoes, however most of the times, I am better off the way I am. For I wouldn't be able to handle the same pressure they go through everyday. Being famous looks fun, however it has a heavy price to pay and honestly, I am not ready for that, not that anyone cares though.

Talk about celebrities, then Christina Aguilera has been the flavour of the month for me though, well for quite sometimes now. I've liked her since she made her debut, however I never knew she could really be that powerful with her vocals until I heard some of her songs from the recent albums, well, not that recent. Been all into her for a while, kinda listening non-stop to her. No particular reasons for that, however she has created some powerful songs both lyrically and vocally. In my view, she's one of the most under-rated singers of all time and she deserves the respect given out to the likes of Mariah Carey, Celine Dion etc.

Okay, that's said. There are a lot of things exciting me. First there is my supposed trip to Delhi, yeah, once again I am going home and not to forget the beginning of new season in the EPL. Been waiting for it for a while now, though the cable connection here doesn't show much of it, however still excited with it. Liverpool looks good to me this season, no major signing but there is a hint of confidence in the players and also the coach. I think they'll be big this time around. The only problem would be the drama surrounding Suarez and his departure. Well, sincerely hoping he stays and I am sure he will.

Okay we are going to meet a lot more often and I will be much more regular around here, just that I need some time, as in free time, which i am planning to squeeze in, in between work and my spare time.

Happy days are here. It so feels like a second coming for me. How long has it been?? Let me guess, four months??? Maybe more. Being away for so long, it seems like ages to me, this place however still welcomes me and puts a smile on my face, whenever I see people commenting on my craps. It just makes me happy. Well, sort of. Gotta see you very soon. Gotta get me ready for the Delhi trip. A lot still needs to be done before I leave. So, I will see you when I get to Delhi. Till then take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DADDY AND HOME............... !!!!!!

I am dreaming tonight of an old southern town,

The best friend that I ever had

For I've grown so weary of roaming around,

And I am going home to my dad.

Your hair has turned to silver,

And I know you’re failing too.

Daddy dear, oh daddy, I am coming back to you.

You've made my childhood happy,

But still I longed to roam,

I've had my way, but now I’ll say,

I long for you and for home.

Dear daddy you've shared all my sorrows and joys,

You tried hard to bring me up right,

I know you’ll still be one of the boys,

I’m starting back home tonight.

Your hair has turned to silver,

And I know you’re failing too.

Daddy dear, oh daddy, I am coming back to you.

You've made my childhood happy,

But still I longed to roam,

I've had my way, but now I’ll say,

I long for you and for home.

Okay so the time has come. I have been waiting for this moment for a while now. It’s been a month since I haven’t been home and I really needed a break and relax myself. So going home seemed to be the best idea. Also, for a fact that I needed to go Ahmedabad for training. So, everything was set, first home and then directly to the training school. Excited. Yeah, I was. For I knew I would be among people I know and people I love. 

But this time just as much I was excited, there still was a part of me which was pretty hesitant about everything. Ummmmmm….. I think we have discussed about everything previously. But if you haven’t taken notice of that, that go here and you will know everything. There was this thing inside me, telling me not to go, stopping me and trying to kill the excitement and there was this other part, which constantly told me, there is nothing like being at home, being with the people you love and the elation attached to being together. So, I guess the thought of being together with all those people….. ummmmmm… my family seemed to be the better idea.

And then after a long thought and long discussion with my folks at home and everyone I knew who could give me honest and sincere opinions were consulted and after days of being in a battle with myself, I have finally decided. Home it is.

So, I set out and after about 12 hours of travelling, I finally reached Delhi, my home, early in the morning. Still dark it was and I couldn't wait to get home. Took a taxi to reach home and all the way I was thinking about reuniting with my sisters and my family after a long time. By this time, the other part that I had told about, which was stopping me, had given up on trying and I was excited. Just friggin excited. The road also seemed longer than it was. I kid you not, it really seemed that way. Maybe because I was too excited to be home after all.

Reached home and was greeted by my mother, yeah, she always does it. After all, she had been waiting for me to knock on the door. I could see, she was happy to see me and so was I. We however did not talk, it was middle of the night and everyone was sleeping, and I could understand she might be sleepy as well, so I asked her to sleep and told her if I needed anything, I would just take it from the fridge. I guess she was a bit concerned about me, I am one of those who needs to be told time and again that I need to eat, after all she’s my mom and she knows me. So she kept few things for me to eat and then went to sleep. I was hungry, just a bit though but was more tired and just wanted to get back to sleep. So I went to my room and slept.

Things didn't seem to be the way I had expected them. I was expecting a lot of chitter-chatter and a lot of talks. But when the morning dawned, everything was just the opposite. I mean, everyone was talking among themselves and very few talked to me. I didn't give it much attention, thinking things will be better in the evening. After all, it’s just been few hours since my arrival. So, I waited. The evening came and things didn't seem to change at all. I could feel some uncomfortable stares thrown at me, though I tried my best to ignore them, I think I just couldn't  Mom and dad knew what I was going through and they actually tried their best to make me feel comfortable. I really appreciated it, because I knew they were just as much disappointed at me, however it was the parent in them, which made them forget everything and embrace me for who I am and love me the way I am. 

They did not say much, but mom made things I loved the most for dinner and that was enough to show that she was actually happy to see me. Dad spoke to me a lot. Though we did not get into any serious conversation. Ooh well, for that, let me tell you something about my dad. He is a respected figure in our community, an elder in the church and one of the first people to move to Delhi, so he has been involved quite a lot in the church and other social things. Known for his hard hitting lines and everything and known to speak of the bitter truth, instead of just beating around the bush. Some people don’t like him for that; I however respect him for his straight forwardness. However……. Outside all these circles, there is one thing that you need to know about him, he is everything but the ever serious type of guy that most people know. He is funny, witty and had a great presence of mind. You can say outside all these things, he is not one of those serious people. He’s more of the funny dads around. Honestly, my friends like him for his jovial attitude. So do I.

Dad and I hardly talk about serious things, and even when we do, we tend to do it in a jovial way rather than being all too cranky about things. That I guess makes our relation better. I am not afraid of putting my points across to him, mainly because I know that he would listen to them. If he doesn't like it, he’s not afraid to tell me so. The best part about us is that, sometimes he takes my opinions on things and he takes them seriously. In short, he’s not ashamed of consulting younger people than him whenever he is in doubt. That, for me makes him a lot more approachable and a lot easier to talk to. There however is a small problem about him, after all no man is born perfect. He can sometimes be very fussy about things, maybe that is because he wants things to be done in certain order and he’s not happy until it’s done just how he wants it. That’s one thing that I have taken from him. It’s annoying sometimes, however not hard to adapt to. And he is just one of those people, easy to talk to and always fun to be around with. Not to forget he has a great sense of humor. 

He’s my dad, I love him, respect him and admire him in every way, however I am not going to go all out praising, because he has his limitations, he’s human after all. He’s impatient, sometimes very strict, can be really harsh with the words he chooses to spit, sometimes a bit clumsy with things and even annoying, however in all, he is not a bad person. Know him once and I am sure you will like him, even if you don’t love him. 

So………… As I said, he did make me comfortable amidst everything; it was nice to be home after all. Home is home.

At night though, talked a bit with my sisters and brothers. It wasn't as smooth as it used to be but I am still happy with it. A lot better than not talking at all. Though there was a certain uncomfort, I was still glad that finally we broke the ice for I knew things will just get better in due time. All we need was to spend some more time together. Comfortable or not, it was nice being home. No matter what happens. Nothing beats times spent with family. Can you imagine, till some time ago I almost cut myself out from my family. Things happened in the past and I just couldn't handle them, though a bit late, I have realized, even if everything breaks, family is forever.

The first day……….. Hmmmmmmm… Looking ahead to more days but better ones and I am sure they will come my way. I will take a leave now. Will see you very soon. Till then take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!