HAPPINESS: It's made of small things

 

Happiness, the one word that everyone expects to have in their lives, however is elusive to almost everyone. Why??? Is it because we expect it to come from some big things? Things like buying a new car, getting expensive gifts, buying a house or things like that. While looking at all these we forget most of the time, to look at the small things that could make us happy. Life is made up of little things, and enjoying them for their worth is actually gonna make our lives a lot happier than achieving big things, for one reason that big things only happens once in a while and these small things are just around the corner.

Now for instance, you have a dream of buying a big house and buying that would make you the happiest. Think what would you gain form it? Being in a huge house would surely be comforting. Now look at your present self. Do you have a room to sleep, a bed to get you comfortable at night and nice food on your table? If you have all that then let me assure you that you have half of the things you have already wished for. And to top all that if you have people who love you for who you are then, I think your world is closest to being perfect.
 

Another way to create those happy moments is to give. Giving of our abundance increases our feelings of happiness in the little things. Happiness is largely a matter of being thankful. Sharing with someone in need helps us to feel more thankful for the things we have. When was the last time you counted your blessings? Make a list of things that are a blessing to you. Do you live on a good road and have a car that runs? Do you have running water and electricity? Many others around the world do not have these simple amenities.

Being happy and content with the small pleasures in life requires us to slow down and take a little time to enjoy them. Do you have a pet? Slow down enough to sit with your animal friend and show it a bit of affection. Play ball with your dog or wiggle a string in front of your cat. And don't forget to have fun with the kids, too. Playing a simple board game can make the house ring with laughter.

If your life is about reaching for goals, where everything is always onward and upward, you will probably accomplish much. But if you don't take time to enjoy a meal with your spouse or breathe in the fresh morning air, you will be missing out on much that makes life worth living. In many ways, happiness depends on our attitudes toward the little things. Appreciate that warm hug, that cuddly blanket, and that efficient appliance, and you will find your life one characterized by happiness. Always remember while work and goals are important, it is also very important to have time for people you love, for things you love and most of all, for yourself. While you focus on your career it is also important to have those crazy moments with friends and family, because you might not remember what you studied but you will always remember all this. Life is made up of these little things, like memories, smiles and tears that you’ve shared with near and dear ones. Never miss them and never miss out on life. Because after you have achieved all that goals and have had a successful career, look back and see how have you lived, and if that makes you smile with a sense of contentment that you have lived a good life, then I think you have actually.

It is much better to do things now than regret later for not doing it. life is all about looking for happiness and you can find it once you realize the meaning and value of those small things, like the glitter on your lovers eyes, the excitement of your pet when it sees you, or the laughter of your kid, the look on your parents eyes when they see you being happy and most of all the sense of pride when you look at yourself in the mirror. These are what happiness is made of, and once you’ve achieved it, no one can take it away from you. And always remember you are responsible for your own happiness, and it is you who decides where to find it, start looking for it and keep it with you.

IDENTITY CRISIS: Stranger in my own land.

It is not easy being away from home and people from the North-East part of India feel the pangs of it the strongest.  For example, I, like thousands of young men and women from North-East work away from my home. It’s not easy, especially when there are so many differences. I understand India is a huge country and there is diversity everywhere, forget the nation as a whole, but even the states here have that diversity. I sometimes feel that the unity of this nation is hanging by a thin rope which might break loose sometime. With that said, let me get back to the point.

There have however been a lot of incidents where I get asked about my nationality, and sometimes it takes a lot of time explaining where the North-East is and how North-East is a part of India and how much Indian we are and how Indian we feel. There have been instances where I had to explain the North-East with a map and literally show them where it is. There have been times when I had to convince them that we don’t eat human flesh or live in jungles without any clothes, well I get these kinds of questions thrown at me by people who think they know about the North-East. Not that I am angry about all that, but the fact that bothers me the most is that a lot of people don’t know us, and that includes a lot of educated, in fact well educated people.

Though spending my entire life in Delhi has taught me to adapt to any situation or survive in any place, there are however a lot of instances where I can’t help but feel a bit alienated in my own country sometimes. Discrimination towards North-East Indians in our country is nothing new to report about, and I am no exception to that. There have been instances in the past which have highlight how deeply bigoted our fellow citizens can be towards their own countrymen.

Having been brought up in Delhi however doesn’t guarantee that I will be spared of the constant stares, name callings and verbal harassments on the streets, from kids to teenage people and sometimes from the adults as well. It is never easy to go through that situation, to be honest. And the worst you could do in that situation is to raise your voice and that, let me tell you, could be very dangerous, especially for people like me. If you don’t think that way, then probably the killing of Nido Tania might ring a bell, and there has been a lot of cases like that where people have been gravely injured, taken to hospital, and sometimes even girls sexually harassed. It all starts with these stares, name callings and then, when it becomes hard to just ignore it, retaliating.

India for one has got to be one of the most racist countries in the world. Racism prevails everywhere, be it in the states, counties, districts and even in small localities and like if that was not enough, then comes your religion and the caste you belong to, so you can say the scope for racism and discrimination in India is huge and it has flourished throughout the history.

Without a doubt the worst hit community is the North-Eastern community, which has been alienated for I don’t know how long. No matter where you travel or where you live, you will find people who would give you that hostile treatment, just because you belong to the North-East. Few cases of sexual harassment, violence and even deadly attacks make it to the news, but for the North-Easterners who live in other parts of the county, especially the North, the abuse is consistent and relentless.

Apart from these beatings, even killings, there have been minor cases of discrimination, and trust me it happens every day. Things like being treated unfairly when you enter banks, malls, or even when you hire a cab or an auto. You are either completely neglected because of your looks in the malls and the banks, or you are overcharged by the cab or auto drivers for the same reason.

Not to forget the kind of silent harassment meted out on daily basis at work places, the streets and even the local markets. I am not sure if we are actually misunderstood or just profiled in that way, but there has been a lot of wrong perception towards the people from the North-East.

We are fun loving people, who could be the nicest if you’re nice to them and could be your worst enemy as well. We have our own way of having fun, we love enjoying our lives and we are a lot more outgoing than the rest of the other people. Our lifestyle is different, I admit that, and even our eating habits aren’t the same with most part of the country. We don’t look like them, neither do we talk like them; however most of us feel just as much Indian as all the other people in the country.

For people who wear liberalism and for a nation that wear secularism as a sign of modernity, it is a crying shame that racial profiling and discrimination to this extent still exist even in the 21^st century. Being a nation of this caliber it is actually very disgraceful to allow this type of mindset conquer over and spoil the heritage and the beautiful history we have. Is this because we allow it to? Or it is because we refuse to see everyone as equal? The answer is within each and one of us, no religion, prayer or books will teach you that. It has to come from within.

MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY.... BE THANKFUL....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Appreciation is one of the easiest and best ways to make a person happy. What does it take??? Just a small thank you, or may be few words showing how grateful you are for what they have done for you. Or may be sometimes telling people and giving them credit for what they have done and how they go about doing things. It’s a small thing, but always guarantees a smile on someone’s face.

Every relation, however ordinary it may be, should have its good share of gratitude or at least the expression of it. Each and every one of us owes thanks to someone or the other. From the very day we come into this world till the very last time we breathe, there is something or the other to be thankful about. Be it, the food that our parents put on our table, or the money they spend on us to provide us with our needs and wants, or to teachers who teach us, everything from the first letter to the full sentences and paragraphs, or to the friends who stay with us, create wonderful memories and sometimes bittersweet experiences, we owe almost every step we take to someone.

Gratitude puts across itself in expressions, verbally and in doing something back in return, which of course are deeds actions. When doing something in return seems hard, then expression of thanks is the best thing to do. Like the words we say or write when someone dies, which is expressing gratitude. You don’t necessarily have to die to show them how thankful you are, but expressing it with words can do a lot.

However we all, including me, find it rather difficult to do just that. We rather find pleasure in criticizing the way things are done, or finding some fault or the other, or maybe just ignoring the effort that has been put to get the work complete. It is human nature after all, these things comes easy to us, things like criticism, back talking and probably, just being ungrateful, they just sound so much fun, and we actually enjoy it more than being grateful.

While we all know favor is never too small, and the least we could do is acknowledge it. It doesn’t mean to part with some cash to show it, or a huge action or may be a return favor. The usage of the phrases like “Thank you” “Good job” “I appreciate what you did” Or even a small “Well done” sometimes might denote just a polite convention; it however shows the universal belief in the importance of creating a grateful attitude towards who deserves it, however small that thing is. And if someone is doing a favor to you, it doesn’t necessarily means that they are expecting something in return, but they are just doing it out of goodwill. And however small it may be, a small gesture of acknowledgement will never go to waste.

Imagine yourself doing something for someone and in return you just get nothing. No words, no expression or not even something in return. Would that feel very good??? I guess not. Even I wouldn’t like that, nobody will, to be very honest.

For example, we have a peon, who does everything for us. From fetching files to serving us water and tea, preparing our lunch table, cleaning them and also doing the dishes after we are done, he does almost every little things, even things he is not supposed to do. Like, buying us veggies in the evening, booking our gas, delivering it to our houses, fitting our lights, cleaning our homes and what not, he does almost everything. He says he likes doing it, so he does it; however he never gets anything from anyone, which miffs him sometimes. He silently complains about it as well sometimes, even though he doesn’t say it out loud, it shows on his face. Most of the times however, he just chooses to ignore we being ungrateful for what he is doing, may be because we are his bosses after all, that however doesn’t mean he likes it. He doesn’t and no one would.

Well yes, he gets few words of thanks and appreciation from me time to time; I am a sucker with words; however I rarely fail to show him my gratitude, not by expressions or words, but by deeds. I never forget to bring him something or the other whenever I travel outside. You should see the kind of smile it brings to his face. Happiness lies in those small gestures, that we tend to forget most of the times. While money and expensive gifts do bring a smile with a sense of pride, nothing beats these small gestures. The happiness it brings and the satisfaction that follows is just priceless.

If you wanna make someone happy today; do one simple thing. Thank them for what they did and tell them what it means to you. I can guarantee you a hundred percent, it will work. Then look at yourself, and if you still don’t feel that contentment in you, then I don’t think anything else in this world would. While no good man wants to hurt or give anyone, who has done something for him, pain; an ungrateful can hurt the feelings of his benefactor. And if you could avoid being ungrateful, things will for sure, start getting a lot better.

Let me finish with this wonderful quote:

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

-Marcel Proust.

WINE, RELIGION, HARDWORK AND THAT CONVERSATION

Sometimes you learn about life from things you least expect, people you meet leave huge impression on you sometimes, and it has in fact happened a lot to me. Honestly, I am very happy with all that, merely because these kinds of experiences help you learn in a better way every so often. Conspicuously because they happen for real, not like something you’ve read in books or saw in movies. Life is all but a movie, may be an amalgamation of dramas and what good is a drama if there are no twist and turns and some tears along the way. They all actually make this movie worthwhile, don’t they???
Anyways, being a banker and staying away from home has done so much for me and brought so many changes in me, well most of them in a good way of course. Though it is really hard to stay away from home and all the comfort, I think everyone should at least once in their lifetime, live outside, come out of the comfort zone. I will not however say that it does a lot of wonders and I can’t assure that it will always do good, but I can tell one thing for sure. It will teach you a lot of stuff, and if you look at all the things you’ve gone through and all the experiences positively; then I am sure, there will be a lot to learn and the changes it will bring will rather be for the good than the bad.

So here am I, been here for a while and living alone, and as you know I hardly cook for myself, simply because I can’t cook. I am lucky to be surrounded with good people in a strange land, and there is this guy, who comes and cooks for me a lot of times, well actually almost every day. He is just a normal guy, who is always smiling and cheerful, humble and good; a nice guy to hang around with. But there is a lot more to him than what meets the eye. His story is quite a long one, and nothing short of a typical drama you see on TV. He was once a very successful businessman and a respected figure of this town, who had a knack of spending lavishly on clothes and watches. He had knack of drinking expensive whiskey and wine and would travel a lot, within India and abroad as well.  He loved spending money on good things for himself and for his family as well. He once had a fleet of cars and a big house. He had a reputation and a name; and as the saying goes, once you earn a name and respect, things become easy. That was his story about 5 or 6 years back. Now fast forward to the middle of 2013, that was when things started to change for him; and how that change, changed him, and I think it happened  for the good.
Like all dramas are incomplete with a good amount of twist and turn, and of course some agony. This story too had its moments. And guess who would probably be the catalyst of all that was going to happen. Yes of course, someone he trusted the most, someone very close to him. He was cheated and swindled off all his money and that did not stop there. A huge amount of his property was sold off, so were almost all of his cars. In a span of about 6 months everything he made and everything he created fell apart. He has lost the reputation, his name and the respect people had for him.
And he stooped from being the most adored, to being a person no one would want to be associated with, just in matter of few months time. Everything changed for him, and if you look at him now, he looks nothing like when I met him for the first time. It saddens me to see him like that, but at the same time I feel happy because he still wears the same smile, and carries around the same charm.

For quite a while now, he would come to my house every evening, cook for me, eat a little and that too on my insistence and leave at around midnight. Though I knew everything that had happened with him, I never asked him or never tried to know why he spends all the time with me. Maybe because I had someone to cook and do all my things, I was at a luxury of my own, so I never bothered. I tried bringing this topic up, however I just couldn’t do it; I felt something was stopping me from doing that.

One fine day, my time came. We sat down for a drink or two, and that was when we started talking and yes, wine does things. From being a rather quite guy, that is how I behave here, though my friends back home would disagree, suddenly I realized that I have transformed into a smooth talker.

Me: You always come here, and leave late at night, it’s not like I don’t like it, but doesn’t your family say anything. What happened to you? Is there something wrong?

Him: I assume you know everything about me and I don’t think I need to tell you. It’s just that I don’t like being with anyone, especially my family. I just wanna be alone at peace for a while.

It shocked me a bit; I however knew what was wrong with him. So I tried my best to continue with the conversation.

Me: I know, I was told about everything, and I understand you feeling low right now. But what’s with your family?? Did you guys fight or something?

Him: If it was a fight I would have been home by now, this is something more than that.

Me (Now really taking keen interest in it): Tell me about it, maybe I can help.

Him: I don’t like anything right now; I can’t stand sarcasm every night. Every word they say hurts me. I know I have made mistakes and if there is anything I could do to change it, I would have done it with my life. But I can’t change it, and I have to live with it through my life, I guess.

By this time I had figured out where he was headed so I didn’t ask him too much about the detail. And I think I made the right choice, for I kind of knew that if I did, he would have broken down and I was never and I am not still good at consoling anyone.

Me: I know you can’t change it but there must be something you could do. I mean, this can’t go on. Come on, we all make mistakes.

Him (With a deep sigh): Let’s see. Something will work out, I don’t know how but I think there will be a way.

Me: I just don’t see how??? I mean, you owe too many people and too much, and with the kind of work you’re doing, I don’t think you’d be able to square it up even if you you’re working your ass off your entire life. If I were in your place, I wouldn’t even know what to do, I might have just ran away, or might have just killed myself.

With all said, I could really see the pain in his eyes. I knew he was trying to hold back his tears, and I could notice his voice breaking a bit with deep sighs. His deep sighs made me a bit edgy again. For a moment I thought we should stop talking and just go out and roam a bit, just to see if that makes him better. But it seemed like he wanted to share this. And as you know, I was all ears to him.

Him: whatever happens there is one thing that I am never gonna do in my life, and that is killing myself. I can’t let these things win over me. I’ve fought too hard to give up that easily.

Me: I think you should pray then. Pray every day, ask him the guidance and I am sure he will lead you.

Him: You know I don’t believe in religion; however I think there is someone who is in control of everything. But I don’t think religion or praying can help me. I believe in myself enough, I think I will have to put a bit more hard work and one day I will be there.

 Me: But you should try it once, you know. It will help you and might make you feel better.

Him: I don’t believe in all that. I rather believe in doing things in a right way than asking and praying, even if I am doing something wrong.

Me: But religion teaches you to do right things and it makes you a better man, you know.

Him: I feel religion makes you weak, it makes you dependent on prayer and someone else’s strength. I would rather work myself than asking someone I have never seen or heard. I’d rather be an honest man, without any religion. I’d rather blame myself for my failures and work on setting them right rather than, asking someone and praying, and eventually blaming them.

I was lost for words by this time; I really didn’t know what to say anymore. As I hadn’t been much of a religious person all my life, all I believed from the beginning was prayers and nothing much.

I think he had figured out that I was a bit perplexed. So he went on without waiting for my next question.

Him: I believe humanity should be the religion and everybody should follow that. Once everyone realizes that being good as a person would bring them a lot closer to their Gods than praying and offering something, then the world would be a much better place. I would have been a religious person, if only religion was not amended according to the comfort of a man.  For example, every religion teaches to love every human being as they love themselves, but it doesn’t happen anywhere. Every religion teaches us to be peaceful and make peace and love, not war. But a lot of wars happen because of it. If it is religion that teaches you to be peaceful and love everyone, then why don’t we do it? Religion is rather dividing us, when it should have been the one thing to unite everyone.

What he said to me made a lot of sense, and I kinda agreed to it.

Me: What you are saying is right, and I do agree, but there is a God who created everything, you and I and all of this. You should pray to him, you must do it sometimes.

Him: I do believe that there is a God, but I don’t pray to him, I just help myself and I know if I help myself he will help me. What is the point of praying if I don’t do anything good? I need to believe in myself and do what is right then I think god will be automatically close to me.  If I am not good as a person I cannot be good in his eyes, and to be a good man I don’t need a religion, I just need to do right things and be sincere and honest in whatever I do, and that will, in the end solve all the problems, religion will not. We should teach our kids to be a good human before we throw religion at them.

Everything he said kind of made so much sense that for once, I started thinking about everything that happens around in churches, temples and mosques. And for a moment I was in doubt about the whole entity of religion. In all honesty, I also feel that humanity should come first, and a good and humble person in closest to the God. I am however, in no way giving up on my religion, I however do feel the same that religion should be in the heart not outside, you don’t need people to know how religious you are to be close to God, but you need him to see how good you are as a human being. And if you cannot be one, then no one can save you. Not even the strongest of God, not even fasting or praying.

I also believe that religion has been taken for a toss for a while now, it has been twisted and turned a lot, I guess that is giving boost to people who would rather run away from it. People often mistake religion for praying and going to church, temple or mosques, offer a lot of things, but at the same time fail at being a good human. In that process they tend to forget that to be religious, you have got to be a good person first. If you cannot be that, you can never be religious person.

Though it took a bit of religious turn however, which was never the intention at the first place. I was rather shocked to know how people hit rock bottom and work their asses off to get back on their feet. Every man, who do ordinary things, might not have necessarily lived an ordinary life. There is story to every life and there is an inspiration in everyone. We just need to appreciate what we have and keep going on. If we can do that, then I am sure the world as we know it, will become a lot better.