NEW YEAR RESOLUTION????? HMMMMMM…. MAYBE NOT.

The New Year is here and everyone’s busy making new resolutions. I am sure making them is not a thing of the past and you all do it with just as much excitement as I or everybody else used to do some time back. This is one thing about New Year’s that I like. Whether or not we change forever or stick to it forever but these resolutions stay in the head for at least a month or two and while it stays, we only do good than bad. So, a month or two of complete goodness never hurts and it never will. So here I am with some resolutions, as you might wanna call it, bucket list as some others call it or just simply, few things that I wanna do this year.

The previous year has been a hugely mixed one in terms of happiness, sadness and also success. After a long wait, I finally got myself a decent job, a kind of job that attracts respect from people. Yeah, it is the fact. I am proud about it, but not arrogant. Then there were few things that I never expected would happen. Some were my mistake while others I guess they were just planned by the guy above. So, there was not much anyone can do about.

The other good thing about new year is that, no matter how bad the previous one treated me or how bad it was, I always look up to the new year, with great expectations. Sometimes expecting too much, most of the times though just keeping it real. This year is no different from all the others. I look up to it and I hope that this year would be good to me.

So…. Here are few things that I must do and follow this year. Hmmmmmmm…. With hope that I succeed though, here I go.

First of all, I gotta be a good family member. Yes, I do. I have never been a good son, a good brother or even a good cousin. But this year, I am planning to change it all. It has been quite some time that I have not opened up to my family members as much as should have. Yeah, I had my reasons for that. It’s all going to change this year however. I have made a promise to myself that I will be what everyone wants me to be. I will keep in touch with my siblings every day, call mom and dad every day and do things that a son or a brother should do.

I will work harder towards my goal of becoming a football columnist. I had been writing them for a while now and I take pride in the effort that I had put last year and thankfully, I did get my due recognition. But this year, I will work harder, much more effort and keep on improving.

I will put sincere efforts at my work. No matter what happens in my life I will not let that affect my work at the bank. I will try my best to keep them both apart from each other and let them not get in a way. So far I have succeeded in doing that and I hope and plan to continue working in that manner. Though a lot doesn’t not depend on me, but things that does will be taken care of.

I will be strong enough to face everything that comes my way. I had been a cry baby for most part of the last year. Especially when I got transferred to Dahod. Those were hard times but I should have been stronger. I mean, had this not happened, I wouldn’t have learnt so much about life and other things. I feel stronger and I am prepared to face anything now. So, no more a cry baby, but a man now. That’s it.

I will not be afraid to speak about what I like and don’t, what I want and don’t and how I feel about things and how I don’t. I had been of the kind to keep everything inside, not letting it out. It seems I had been holding things for too long now and there seems to be no more space left inside my head. No more hiding, no more running away from things, just facing them the way they are and learn whatever I can from them.

No more running away from my mistakes. This is the year to just man up. If I make any mistakes, then I will just own up to it and face the consequence rather than keeping it all inside and hurting people around me. I have realized that it’s much better to speak right out than to hurt people by hiding it. The realization came a bit too late, but better late than never. So it will be done and I will do it my way.

No more sulking in self-sympathy this year. I think I have done enough of that. Yeah, I don’t like the way I look, most us don’t do. I don’t like how I am, most of us don’t either. So I am not alone. Not every cry and whine about it. So won’t I. I will accept myself the way I am, be proud of who I am and be happy for all that I have. After all, a lot of people don’t even have what I do and there are millions out there who’d do anything to be where I am and get what I have. So one word for myself. “Stay happy”.

I will try to be more considerate about things. For too long, I had been doing things the way it pleased me. It’s all going to change now. This is the year of “Think before you act” for me. So I am going to put myself in their shoes before doing anything. This one’s going to be hard and I might fail more often than not, however I will keep trying.

I will be strong, yes I will be. in everything,, be it my decisions, my feelings or anything that concerns life. Again, this is the year of “Staying strong”. So will I, another thing which does not promise to be easy but I will try my best.

I will accept things the way they are. I will not promise myself that I will not make any mistakes. I know I will. I will make lots and lots of mistakes, knowing or unknowingly. I will face them and learn from them. I will make sure that the same thing is not done again.

I will apologize. To everyone who I have hurt in the past year. For whoever they were to me and for whoever they still are to me, hurting anyone was never my intention and I know I have hurt a lot of people while completing the 12 months of last year. I will apologize until I am forgiven and then make sure that they are never hurt because of something I have done. It is a promise to myself.

I will love myself. This might sound a bit theatrical or dramatic. But I belong to the set of people who are not happy with themselves; I guess you all know it. So this year, I will look at what is good rather than bad and try to work on the confidence and self-respect that I had lost for some time now. For one thing is certain, if I don’t love myself then I cannot love others and if I wanna love others then I will have to start from my own self. So this year will mark the beginning of it.

I will try my best to keep people around me happy. By that I don’t mean every random person, but people who love me. I had been selfish for far too long and this time, I will live for others. As Homer Simpson says “Everyone else just as important as I am and in order to save myself, I will have to save others”. This year will be the year when I try my best to bring smile to everyone who matters. Though I am not the best at it, but I know I can pull it off if I wanted to and I will.

LIVERPOOL. You’ll still be in my heart and “You’ll never walk alone” will still be the song. Nothing’s gonna change between us and it will never change. Win, lose or draw. LIVERPOOL now and forever.

I will be rising up again, like a SKYSCRAPER and I always will. I know times can and will break me and bring me down but I will make sure that every time I hit the bottom, I will rise up.

I will read more of the Bible, now that I am in a place where I don’t have a church to go to. My family and everyone around me had been worried about it as well. Though not for them or anyone else, but for myself. I will do it. I am going to spend time with the Bible. Though I won’t promise myself that it will be lots but I will spend just as much as I can. This is the time when I indulged in a bit of my relation with God. It needs a bit of amendments and I will take the necessary steps to fix it. Yes, I will.

And most of all, I will be a better man. I know what and who I had been last year and through all these years. I never really tried to change it or learn from things that happened. This is the year of learning and improving, taking one step at a time and being better than what I had been yesterday.

So, this is it. Not a very long list, not easy things to do, but surely not impossible. I gotta believe in myself and take things as they come. No worries about things that might happen in the future but taking one day at a time.

This will be the year of changes, this will be the year of learning, this will be the year of improving and most of all this will be the year of being “A BETTER MAN”.

So now the resolutions done, this is the time for me to take a leave. But as I always said, I will see you once again. Till then take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. - Try making a list of things to do and things not to do. It has its fun.

                                                                                                  

AHMEDABAD DIARIES: CHAPTER IX THE WEEK

“Country roads, take me home, to the place where I belong”

Finally, reached the place where I belong. It’s 8 am in the morning. I had expected to reach here by 4 am. I however think it’s better, because had I reached on time, it would still be dark. And honestly, I am not very comfortable with it anymore. I used to be a nightcrawler, but gone are those days. I mean, now it’s been so long since I have stopped going out at nights that going out late no longer seem to be a very good idea to me. This is one of the changes that Dahod has brought in me and I guess it is one of the better changes that has taken place.

Hmmmm…. So, here I am. So eager to get home now that I don’t even have the patience to look for an auto. So, I just took the first cab that came my way. He asked for just a little bit more than what I usually pay, but that was okay with me as long as it drops me to my house. I am happy. Took the cab and reached home at around 9 am. Mom was waiting for me at the door and you can’t imagine how happy I was to see her. I just couldn’t help but smile and hug her. Oh yeah, being a boy, I had never hugged my mom before, well, not at least the way I did today. It might sound a bit strange but I started hugging my mom just a few months back. It was awkward initially, but it’s always nice and feels really comfortable.

Most part of that day was spent on the bed. I reckon you could guess that I was a bit tired. So, whatever plans I had for that day did not actually happen. But I am not complaining, I needed some rest, so I rested. Went out for a while in the evening. Well, it was more like going to Christmas celebrations, that too in our traditional way. Well, we call it “Leengkhawmna”. Stayed there for few hours and went back home. So the first day, it was not as bad.

This!!!!!

I had made a bucket list of things that I would do while I am in Delhi and watching few movies were on top, not to forget gorging on some homemade food and tribal dishes. First, the food. Mom made pork chops with Bamboo shoots with our traditional chutney called “Iromba”…….. Simply mind blowing. I can’t remember the last time I ate so much in my life. Honestly, I was so full that I could barely move. Tired to be honest, but satisfied. I mean, while at home I never craved for it and I would eat out more often than not, now though every friggin dish just tastes so good. One line, “I just can’t get enough”.

So, one down and a few more to go. Next up, movies. “Life of Pi” and “The Hobbit” to be precise. Wanted to watch them before but I just couldn’t, I reckon you remember the kind of place I live in. It was not possible there to be honest. So, I needed to make the most of my stay in Delhi. First up, “The Hobbit”, went with three friends of mine. Well, my treat was due, so I paid for the entire thing. It was a great experience, honestly it’s been long since I had days like this. Though we did not do anything crazy, like I used to but it still was fun. Maybe because of the people I went out with. They just made everything special.

Then came the day, another topper on my bucket list. This was one of the reasons I came to Delhi. I mean, I just couldn’t miss it for anything. No further details about it but I can tell you it’s something very important and special, so, I just had to be here. As fate however would have it, things did not go as I planned. Everything got cancelled and the day, well what can I say about it. It was spent in a gloomy mood, I don’t know if it happens to you, however when I set my heart at something then I can’t just take my mind off it. And if it doesn’t happen then I stay gloomy and whine about it the whole day, sometimes it takes me more than that to get to normal. That’s how I am. So, the entire day wasted, I wanted to get angry, shout and scream but honestly, there was very little I could do about it. Believe it or not, this set the mood for next two days, all doom and gloom around me. The weather did not help either, it was all so gloomy, I couldn’t get things set right. Though I tried, yeah I did. But I failed to be honest.

Okay, so those two days seemed like a month and honestly, it was not nice to be in a situation like that. That however was all set to change soon. Finally, going to see “Life of Pi”, the movie I had been waiting to see for a while now. And the best part, this time around it will just be me and a certain someone. (Oh, well… we’ll get into the details later on!!!!!) As of now it is detailed enough to know that she’s special. So we went, the movie, it wasn’t as good as I had expected it to be but everything else was good. The acting could have been better. Just a bit of natural acting from the Indian actors and it would have been a perfect movie.

But in all honesty, it was not about the movie. Movie was just a way for us to spend some time together, which we did and let me tell you. It was just great. I mean these are the memories that keeps you going. Though we did not do much, but we sure created some beautiful memories. Later that evening, my sister joined us. Well, I was supposed to buy her a birthday gift. It had been pending for past few weeks. We ran out of ideas as to what to buy, so we called her. She came however we could not agree to any thing, neither could she make up her mind. So we ended up without buying anything, just spending sometime walking around the mall. Tiring but enjoyed it. Sometimes it’s just so nice to be with people you like, you don’t seem to care what you do or don’t or where you go. All that just don’t matter. That’s what happened. One word. Happy.

Oh, yeah that was the last day of year 2012. I should say it was well spent. Every moment and everything we did was just incredible. I mean, we did not need to do anything extra ordinary for each other, just being together was enough to create the magic. So it did.

I welcomed the New Year with my family, with some traditional prayers and stuff. There were no plans to go out or party or anything of that sort. For two reasons. One, it was really cold outside and I would much prefer to stay home rather than go out. Second, call me old fashioned but I always believed that this is one day to be with family. I mean, first day of the year should always be welcomed with the family no matter what, yeah; it’s a different thing if it’s unavoidable.

Then church in the morning, it was all nice to be around people I knew for a long time. But behind the smile there was a certain sadness. Maybe because of the realization that I will have to leave tomorrow, for the place I really don’t like. So, mixed emotions on the day and evening again, we met. This time however it was just a short while. Though, I was happy with it, I however thought and wished if only I had a few more time. I mean the meeting left a lot to desired for.

I guess this is becoming a bit too long, so, will post this in sequels. It will be out very soon. Just wait and keep checking. I will see you very soon. Till then make care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. - I still wish if I had more time to spend.

LOVE IS JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE NOT................

“Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

Am I feeling all lovey dovey today? In fact, NO.  Just remembered something from a while back. Well, it's nothing but one of those regular arguments between a friend and I. Hope you remember the 3 am friend I had told you about. Yeah, I also remember telling you that we talk about all kinds of things. Our conversations are not limited to a particular topic or anything. It ranges, from everything to everything. Sometimes they can be really boring, other times however we do talk about some serious issues and something interesting.

This happened the other night, we happened to bump into Love. Well, as you know it, we have different opinion (Remember the North Pole, South Pole thing?????). We agreed on the importance and the value of Love however could not get to the same page when we spoke about what Love is. Love is a lot of things and we agreed on most, however when it came to Love being JEALOUS or not. We could not agree. Well, I belong to the school which believes that love is Jealous and she, to the school which believes that it is not.

Me: What do you think then, is love jealous.

She: No. It is not.

Me: Why?

She: Have you not read the bible. 1^st Corinthians to be precise.

Me: Ummmmm..... Yeah, I did.

She: Then what does it say.

Me: Ummmmmm.... It talks about Love and what Love is.

She: Exactly and doesn't it say that It is everything but Jealous.

Me: Yeah, it is. I however don't believe in that. I believe it is.

She: Well, if your Love is true and pure then it is not.

Me: How can you say that? There are different types of people with different thoughts about it.

She: This is how it is and this is what I believe.

Me: Okay let me ask you what the greatest love is.

She: It’s God’s love. (The answer came after a long thought though!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Me: So, you think and believe that his love is the purest.

She: Yeah.

Me: Oh, Well..... Let me ask you. You say God loves us and he gets jealous if we worship other Gods, right!!!!!!!!!!!! Doesn't that mean that it is jealous?

She: I knew you were going to say that and I was kinda prepared for it. Well, that's his Love and the jealousy because we were not faithful.

Me: Exactly. Not everyone is faithful in this world. I can Love someone who is not, I can Love her without trusting and I can Love her and still be jealous when she talks or goes out with someone else.

She: You can't Love someone without trusting them and jealousy, if you are jealous that means you don't Love her. Love is way beyond all these feelings.

Me: I don't believe that. I think Love is jealous but Lust is not.

She: That's not true. Just because you get jealous, you can't say that.

Me: Oh, well yeah I can. See, if I have a girlfriend who talks a lot to someone particular, goes out with him and is close with him. Then I am bound to be jealous. That's because I Love her.

She: Mmmmm...Hmmmmm.... Go on.

Me: And if I don't care what she does behind my back and who she meets and where she goes and still kisses me every time we meet and I am okay with. Then I don't think that's Love. It's lust.

She: You are impossible.

Me: Yeah and you are the best. You'd be one cool girlfriend (Note the sarcasm!!!!!!!!!!!)

She: Shut Up. (In a bit miffed tone)

Me: See, that is what I am talking about. If you love someone and if that person gets a bit too close to someone else then you are ought to feel jealous. Because you love them.

She: If that happens then I would just let him to go her. What’s the point of feeling jealous if they don’t care about it.

Me: That’s where you are wrong. When you love someone, you don’t give them a condition to love you back.

She: You are being bookish.

Me: I am not. This is bookish but true okay. Because you see, I will feel jealous if that happens and I am not going to let her go. I will try my best to bring her close again, while jealousy will deffo be there.

She: What if you fail?

Me: If I fail then I can at least tell myself that I did my best. And I don’t believe in “If you love someone just set them free. If they come back they are yours and if they don’t they were never meant to be”. I rather believe in “If you love someone then just hold on to them so tight that they cannot get away.”

She: Yeah, right. I can see that. What if they still want to get away from you?

Me: Then it will be a bye-bye. If that happens then I will not even take her if she ever comes back. Once I say it’s the end, then it is the end. Period.

She: I don’t know about that. But I still believe that Love is not jealous. I think no one will ever be able to make me believe that it is.

Me: See, that’s what I am trying to say. You believe that love is not jealous because it’s written in the Bible. I am not getting into any kind of blasphemy or something. But just think. God himself is jealous when we drift away from him. Then if he says love is not jealous, than in my view that is Hypocrisy.

She: No it’s not. He is jealous because he loves us a lot.

Me: That’s what my whole point is. See, I love someone a lot and if I see her with someone else, being comfortable with someone else, then I would certainly feel jealous. I think every lover would feel the same.

By this time I thought I had made my point quite clear and for the first time, I was kinda sensing a victory in the argument as well.

She: No. I won’t. I don’t just believe in it because it’s written in the bible. But this is how a true love supposed to be.

Me: I am not sure if I’ll ever be able to convince you or not. But I do believe that love is jealous, if not much then a bit.

She: No. It is not and it will never be.

Me: Okay, let's cut this out. As it is, we don't seem to be at the same page and there will be no ending to the argument.

That's how we ended the conversation. Then we proceeded to talk about something else. As I always said, everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that. The least I expect from them is to respect mine as well. Just a bit of thought, what she said might be true and that's how real Love should be. Then again I think, if that were supposed to be the way, then why do we all get jealous (Oh, well.... bar a few people). Even our God feels jealousy.

A lot would agree with me and a lot will not. In my view however, if you love someone then jealousy should be there, so does possessiveness. If these things are not there in a relationship then I think you don’t value your partner much. That’s just my thoughts however; no one needs to agree to it.

Love is jealous?????? Hmmmmm…. Maybe not. I leave that to your discretion.

That’s it for now. Will see you very soon. Till then, take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S.- Love is jealous.