IDENTITY CRISIS: Stranger in my own land.

It is not easy being away from home and people from the North-East part of India feel the pangs of it the strongest.  For example, I, like thousands of young men and women from North-East work away from my home. It’s not easy, especially when there are so many differences. I understand India is a huge country and there is diversity everywhere, forget the nation as a whole, but even the states here have that diversity. I sometimes feel that the unity of this nation is hanging by a thin rope which might break loose sometime. With that said, let me get back to the point.

There have however been a lot of incidents where I get asked about my nationality, and sometimes it takes a lot of time explaining where the North-East is and how North-East is a part of India and how much Indian we are and how Indian we feel. There have been instances where I had to explain the North-East with a map and literally show them where it is. There have been times when I had to convince them that we don’t eat human flesh or live in jungles without any clothes, well I get these kinds of questions thrown at me by people who think they know about the North-East. Not that I am angry about all that, but the fact that bothers me the most is that a lot of people don’t know us, and that includes a lot of educated, in fact well educated people.

Though spending my entire life in Delhi has taught me to adapt to any situation or survive in any place, there are however a lot of instances where I can’t help but feel a bit alienated in my own country sometimes. Discrimination towards North-East Indians in our country is nothing new to report about, and I am no exception to that. There have been instances in the past which have highlight how deeply bigoted our fellow citizens can be towards their own countrymen.

Having been brought up in Delhi however doesn’t guarantee that I will be spared of the constant stares, name callings and verbal harassments on the streets, from kids to teenage people and sometimes from the adults as well. It is never easy to go through that situation, to be honest. And the worst you could do in that situation is to raise your voice and that, let me tell you, could be very dangerous, especially for people like me. If you don’t think that way, then probably the killing of Nido Tania might ring a bell, and there has been a lot of cases like that where people have been gravely injured, taken to hospital, and sometimes even girls sexually harassed. It all starts with these stares, name callings and then, when it becomes hard to just ignore it, retaliating.

India for one has got to be one of the most racist countries in the world. Racism prevails everywhere, be it in the states, counties, districts and even in small localities and like if that was not enough, then comes your religion and the caste you belong to, so you can say the scope for racism and discrimination in India is huge and it has flourished throughout the history.

Without a doubt the worst hit community is the North-Eastern community, which has been alienated for I don’t know how long. No matter where you travel or where you live, you will find people who would give you that hostile treatment, just because you belong to the North-East. Few cases of sexual harassment, violence and even deadly attacks make it to the news, but for the North-Easterners who live in other parts of the county, especially the North, the abuse is consistent and relentless.

Apart from these beatings, even killings, there have been minor cases of discrimination, and trust me it happens every day. Things like being treated unfairly when you enter banks, malls, or even when you hire a cab or an auto. You are either completely neglected because of your looks in the malls and the banks, or you are overcharged by the cab or auto drivers for the same reason.

Not to forget the kind of silent harassment meted out on daily basis at work places, the streets and even the local markets. I am not sure if we are actually misunderstood or just profiled in that way, but there has been a lot of wrong perception towards the people from the North-East.

We are fun loving people, who could be the nicest if you’re nice to them and could be your worst enemy as well. We have our own way of having fun, we love enjoying our lives and we are a lot more outgoing than the rest of the other people. Our lifestyle is different, I admit that, and even our eating habits aren’t the same with most part of the country. We don’t look like them, neither do we talk like them; however most of us feel just as much Indian as all the other people in the country.

For people who wear liberalism and for a nation that wear secularism as a sign of modernity, it is a crying shame that racial profiling and discrimination to this extent still exist even in the 21^st century. Being a nation of this caliber it is actually very disgraceful to allow this type of mindset conquer over and spoil the heritage and the beautiful history we have. Is this because we allow it to? Or it is because we refuse to see everyone as equal? The answer is within each and one of us, no religion, prayer or books will teach you that. It has to come from within.

MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY.... BE THANKFUL....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Appreciation is one of the easiest and best ways to make a person happy. What does it take??? Just a small thank you, or may be few words showing how grateful you are for what they have done for you. Or may be sometimes telling people and giving them credit for what they have done and how they go about doing things. It’s a small thing, but always guarantees a smile on someone’s face.

Every relation, however ordinary it may be, should have its good share of gratitude or at least the expression of it. Each and every one of us owes thanks to someone or the other. From the very day we come into this world till the very last time we breathe, there is something or the other to be thankful about. Be it, the food that our parents put on our table, or the money they spend on us to provide us with our needs and wants, or to teachers who teach us, everything from the first letter to the full sentences and paragraphs, or to the friends who stay with us, create wonderful memories and sometimes bittersweet experiences, we owe almost every step we take to someone.

Gratitude puts across itself in expressions, verbally and in doing something back in return, which of course are deeds actions. When doing something in return seems hard, then expression of thanks is the best thing to do. Like the words we say or write when someone dies, which is expressing gratitude. You don’t necessarily have to die to show them how thankful you are, but expressing it with words can do a lot.

However we all, including me, find it rather difficult to do just that. We rather find pleasure in criticizing the way things are done, or finding some fault or the other, or maybe just ignoring the effort that has been put to get the work complete. It is human nature after all, these things comes easy to us, things like criticism, back talking and probably, just being ungrateful, they just sound so much fun, and we actually enjoy it more than being grateful.

While we all know favor is never too small, and the least we could do is acknowledge it. It doesn’t mean to part with some cash to show it, or a huge action or may be a return favor. The usage of the phrases like “Thank you” “Good job” “I appreciate what you did” Or even a small “Well done” sometimes might denote just a polite convention; it however shows the universal belief in the importance of creating a grateful attitude towards who deserves it, however small that thing is. And if someone is doing a favor to you, it doesn’t necessarily means that they are expecting something in return, but they are just doing it out of goodwill. And however small it may be, a small gesture of acknowledgement will never go to waste.

Imagine yourself doing something for someone and in return you just get nothing. No words, no expression or not even something in return. Would that feel very good??? I guess not. Even I wouldn’t like that, nobody will, to be very honest.

For example, we have a peon, who does everything for us. From fetching files to serving us water and tea, preparing our lunch table, cleaning them and also doing the dishes after we are done, he does almost every little things, even things he is not supposed to do. Like, buying us veggies in the evening, booking our gas, delivering it to our houses, fitting our lights, cleaning our homes and what not, he does almost everything. He says he likes doing it, so he does it; however he never gets anything from anyone, which miffs him sometimes. He silently complains about it as well sometimes, even though he doesn’t say it out loud, it shows on his face. Most of the times however, he just chooses to ignore we being ungrateful for what he is doing, may be because we are his bosses after all, that however doesn’t mean he likes it. He doesn’t and no one would.

Well yes, he gets few words of thanks and appreciation from me time to time; I am a sucker with words; however I rarely fail to show him my gratitude, not by expressions or words, but by deeds. I never forget to bring him something or the other whenever I travel outside. You should see the kind of smile it brings to his face. Happiness lies in those small gestures, that we tend to forget most of the times. While money and expensive gifts do bring a smile with a sense of pride, nothing beats these small gestures. The happiness it brings and the satisfaction that follows is just priceless.

If you wanna make someone happy today; do one simple thing. Thank them for what they did and tell them what it means to you. I can guarantee you a hundred percent, it will work. Then look at yourself, and if you still don’t feel that contentment in you, then I don’t think anything else in this world would. While no good man wants to hurt or give anyone, who has done something for him, pain; an ungrateful can hurt the feelings of his benefactor. And if you could avoid being ungrateful, things will for sure, start getting a lot better.

Let me finish with this wonderful quote:

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

-Marcel Proust.

WINE, RELIGION, HARDWORK AND THAT CONVERSATION

Sometimes you learn about life from things you least expect, people you meet leave huge impression on you sometimes, and it has in fact happened a lot to me. Honestly, I am very happy with all that, merely because these kinds of experiences help you learn in a better way every so often. Conspicuously because they happen for real, not like something you’ve read in books or saw in movies. Life is all but a movie, may be an amalgamation of dramas and what good is a drama if there are no twist and turns and some tears along the way. They all actually make this movie worthwhile, don’t they???
Anyways, being a banker and staying away from home has done so much for me and brought so many changes in me, well most of them in a good way of course. Though it is really hard to stay away from home and all the comfort, I think everyone should at least once in their lifetime, live outside, come out of the comfort zone. I will not however say that it does a lot of wonders and I can’t assure that it will always do good, but I can tell one thing for sure. It will teach you a lot of stuff, and if you look at all the things you’ve gone through and all the experiences positively; then I am sure, there will be a lot to learn and the changes it will bring will rather be for the good than the bad.

So here am I, been here for a while and living alone, and as you know I hardly cook for myself, simply because I can’t cook. I am lucky to be surrounded with good people in a strange land, and there is this guy, who comes and cooks for me a lot of times, well actually almost every day. He is just a normal guy, who is always smiling and cheerful, humble and good; a nice guy to hang around with. But there is a lot more to him than what meets the eye. His story is quite a long one, and nothing short of a typical drama you see on TV. He was once a very successful businessman and a respected figure of this town, who had a knack of spending lavishly on clothes and watches. He had knack of drinking expensive whiskey and wine and would travel a lot, within India and abroad as well.  He loved spending money on good things for himself and for his family as well. He once had a fleet of cars and a big house. He had a reputation and a name; and as the saying goes, once you earn a name and respect, things become easy. That was his story about 5 or 6 years back. Now fast forward to the middle of 2013, that was when things started to change for him; and how that change, changed him, and I think it happened  for the good.
Like all dramas are incomplete with a good amount of twist and turn, and of course some agony. This story too had its moments. And guess who would probably be the catalyst of all that was going to happen. Yes of course, someone he trusted the most, someone very close to him. He was cheated and swindled off all his money and that did not stop there. A huge amount of his property was sold off, so were almost all of his cars. In a span of about 6 months everything he made and everything he created fell apart. He has lost the reputation, his name and the respect people had for him.
And he stooped from being the most adored, to being a person no one would want to be associated with, just in matter of few months time. Everything changed for him, and if you look at him now, he looks nothing like when I met him for the first time. It saddens me to see him like that, but at the same time I feel happy because he still wears the same smile, and carries around the same charm.

For quite a while now, he would come to my house every evening, cook for me, eat a little and that too on my insistence and leave at around midnight. Though I knew everything that had happened with him, I never asked him or never tried to know why he spends all the time with me. Maybe because I had someone to cook and do all my things, I was at a luxury of my own, so I never bothered. I tried bringing this topic up, however I just couldn’t do it; I felt something was stopping me from doing that.

One fine day, my time came. We sat down for a drink or two, and that was when we started talking and yes, wine does things. From being a rather quite guy, that is how I behave here, though my friends back home would disagree, suddenly I realized that I have transformed into a smooth talker.

Me: You always come here, and leave late at night, it’s not like I don’t like it, but doesn’t your family say anything. What happened to you? Is there something wrong?

Him: I assume you know everything about me and I don’t think I need to tell you. It’s just that I don’t like being with anyone, especially my family. I just wanna be alone at peace for a while.

It shocked me a bit; I however knew what was wrong with him. So I tried my best to continue with the conversation.

Me: I know, I was told about everything, and I understand you feeling low right now. But what’s with your family?? Did you guys fight or something?

Him: If it was a fight I would have been home by now, this is something more than that.

Me (Now really taking keen interest in it): Tell me about it, maybe I can help.

Him: I don’t like anything right now; I can’t stand sarcasm every night. Every word they say hurts me. I know I have made mistakes and if there is anything I could do to change it, I would have done it with my life. But I can’t change it, and I have to live with it through my life, I guess.

By this time I had figured out where he was headed so I didn’t ask him too much about the detail. And I think I made the right choice, for I kind of knew that if I did, he would have broken down and I was never and I am not still good at consoling anyone.

Me: I know you can’t change it but there must be something you could do. I mean, this can’t go on. Come on, we all make mistakes.

Him (With a deep sigh): Let’s see. Something will work out, I don’t know how but I think there will be a way.

Me: I just don’t see how??? I mean, you owe too many people and too much, and with the kind of work you’re doing, I don’t think you’d be able to square it up even if you you’re working your ass off your entire life. If I were in your place, I wouldn’t even know what to do, I might have just ran away, or might have just killed myself.

With all said, I could really see the pain in his eyes. I knew he was trying to hold back his tears, and I could notice his voice breaking a bit with deep sighs. His deep sighs made me a bit edgy again. For a moment I thought we should stop talking and just go out and roam a bit, just to see if that makes him better. But it seemed like he wanted to share this. And as you know, I was all ears to him.

Him: whatever happens there is one thing that I am never gonna do in my life, and that is killing myself. I can’t let these things win over me. I’ve fought too hard to give up that easily.

Me: I think you should pray then. Pray every day, ask him the guidance and I am sure he will lead you.

Him: You know I don’t believe in religion; however I think there is someone who is in control of everything. But I don’t think religion or praying can help me. I believe in myself enough, I think I will have to put a bit more hard work and one day I will be there.

 Me: But you should try it once, you know. It will help you and might make you feel better.

Him: I don’t believe in all that. I rather believe in doing things in a right way than asking and praying, even if I am doing something wrong.

Me: But religion teaches you to do right things and it makes you a better man, you know.

Him: I feel religion makes you weak, it makes you dependent on prayer and someone else’s strength. I would rather work myself than asking someone I have never seen or heard. I’d rather be an honest man, without any religion. I’d rather blame myself for my failures and work on setting them right rather than, asking someone and praying, and eventually blaming them.

I was lost for words by this time; I really didn’t know what to say anymore. As I hadn’t been much of a religious person all my life, all I believed from the beginning was prayers and nothing much.

I think he had figured out that I was a bit perplexed. So he went on without waiting for my next question.

Him: I believe humanity should be the religion and everybody should follow that. Once everyone realizes that being good as a person would bring them a lot closer to their Gods than praying and offering something, then the world would be a much better place. I would have been a religious person, if only religion was not amended according to the comfort of a man.  For example, every religion teaches to love every human being as they love themselves, but it doesn’t happen anywhere. Every religion teaches us to be peaceful and make peace and love, not war. But a lot of wars happen because of it. If it is religion that teaches you to be peaceful and love everyone, then why don’t we do it? Religion is rather dividing us, when it should have been the one thing to unite everyone.

What he said to me made a lot of sense, and I kinda agreed to it.

Me: What you are saying is right, and I do agree, but there is a God who created everything, you and I and all of this. You should pray to him, you must do it sometimes.

Him: I do believe that there is a God, but I don’t pray to him, I just help myself and I know if I help myself he will help me. What is the point of praying if I don’t do anything good? I need to believe in myself and do what is right then I think god will be automatically close to me.  If I am not good as a person I cannot be good in his eyes, and to be a good man I don’t need a religion, I just need to do right things and be sincere and honest in whatever I do, and that will, in the end solve all the problems, religion will not. We should teach our kids to be a good human before we throw religion at them.

Everything he said kind of made so much sense that for once, I started thinking about everything that happens around in churches, temples and mosques. And for a moment I was in doubt about the whole entity of religion. In all honesty, I also feel that humanity should come first, and a good and humble person in closest to the God. I am however, in no way giving up on my religion, I however do feel the same that religion should be in the heart not outside, you don’t need people to know how religious you are to be close to God, but you need him to see how good you are as a human being. And if you cannot be one, then no one can save you. Not even the strongest of God, not even fasting or praying.

I also believe that religion has been taken for a toss for a while now, it has been twisted and turned a lot, I guess that is giving boost to people who would rather run away from it. People often mistake religion for praying and going to church, temple or mosques, offer a lot of things, but at the same time fail at being a good human. In that process they tend to forget that to be religious, you have got to be a good person first. If you cannot be that, you can never be religious person.

Though it took a bit of religious turn however, which was never the intention at the first place. I was rather shocked to know how people hit rock bottom and work their asses off to get back on their feet. Every man, who do ordinary things, might not have necessarily lived an ordinary life. There is story to every life and there is an inspiration in everyone. We just need to appreciate what we have and keep going on. If we can do that, then I am sure the world as we know it, will become a lot better.

PARADISE BURNT: UNITY IN DESOLATION?????

For the past few days I had been meaning to write and get back to my old way of being that obnoxious writer, who would sometimes annoy the shit out of you yet still pretend to be very cerebral. Never mind all that shit. There are however a lot of things going through my mind; my mind, which has a very small and slow thinking capacity, not to forget a very bad grasping power, has been put to real test lately, with so much to go through. 
Lately the very little thinking capacity or thought process that my mind possesses has all been engrossed with what’s happening in Manipur. It is sad and at the same time galling to no end. I don’t think I need to go into the detail of what has happened and why it has happened. I am sure everyone must be aware of everything that’s happened, and if you don’t know it, feel free to google it. Google has all the answers. Some very powerful truths and some very biased views, and while you are into it, I also give you the freedom to choose sides. I, as the writer of this column however, will always choose my people and their sufferings, not only because they are my people, but because I feel and I know I am choosing the right side. It has been very sad turn of events for the people there, while there were some who sold the people, their land and their rights for money, others gave whatever they had, to keep the pride, land, the rights of tribal people and dignity unharmed.Contrasting type of people, but they do exist everywhere, as they say good and bad coexist, it is the law of nature I presume.

I haven’t lived in Manipur all my life, but I do feel the pain and their anger, I feel the same throbbing even though I am more than two thousand miles away. There are few things that I don’t understand though, we, the entire Northeast people are treated as outsiders in India, no matter how hard we try to blend in and we all feel bad, well bad is just an understatement, it actually brings down everyone.  Each and every person from the Northeast felt the  pain when this whole ‘Alienate the Northeastern’ was at its peak and during that time, being at home i.e. our respective states was the most comforting thing in the world. For a moment I thought, finally this part of the country is uniting as one, only to be utterly disappointed. Now imagine, let’s leave the entire country aside, because, ummmmmmmlet’s just say, India is just too big a country for everyone to blend in and be as one, let us concentrate on what we have on our hands right now, if being alienated in our own country feels that bad, imagine what would it bring you, if you were the have that same treatment in your own state. Imagine yourself being thrown out of your own backyard, and imagine being called an outsider in your own hometown. That doesn’t sound to good right, you know what, it gets us right in the feels, and to know the sense of everything, you must see and feel, or at least try, like us.

A lot of protests followed, some of that, I must admit, were out of the line and a bit violent or radical for my own liking. I can’t however; deny the fact, that it was needed. In fact, I saw this coming, a long time back, though I wasn’t expecting it to come to soon. Well, as they say, the sooner, the better. And to some extent the better it is, I would and all the people who can empathize with what has happened would understand why. A lot of criticism was drawn towards the protest that ensued, both constructive and destructive, while a lot of people just jumped on the bandwagon of how the protestors should protest; giving the example of Anna Hazare and even Gandhi led Indian movements, well to me that was really absurd. To all those people, I have something to say ‘kindly stay the fuck off if you don’t know the depth of all this’. I feel in all honesty, sometimes you’ve got to make your voice heard, but not just by shouting while marching on, but by burning and revolting, some might deem it as being violent to me however, it is just the necessary evil sometimes. I don’t personally advocate violence, however I now feel that sometimes you’ve got to take the hard stance and bear some loss however precious they might be, in the long run, I feel it will help.

Then there a lot of voices raised on how violent the crowd got and there were some who voiced their concerns about the treatment of people by the armed forces. While I feel very much obliged with the people who empathized with the people there, I would also like to raise my voice a bit here. The protesters did what every protester does; the question however is the conduct of the security forces. What I do not understand is how security forces resort to shooting the unarmed protesters without warning, using tear gases and water cannons, even using rubber bullets would have been understood. How the government sanctioned the usage of live bullets at the protestors is beyond me, I am no human rights activist or something, but I do know this for a fact that it has never happened anywhere else before, and I thought to myself, maybe Manipur was on its way to make history. I however was wrong, a huge part of my own country was still unaware of all this, which was utterly appalling to say the least and the very few who knew about it, branded it as a regular communal riots, and even as a riot instigated by the underground. It was a crying shame that no one noticed, what these people went through.

Yet here I was, thousands of miles away, hearing the news every day, reading about it over the internet and sometimes making some nervous calls back home. A lot of times it did actually make me very apprehensive, people were being shot and killed, even kids and the number rose as days went by. I started hating everyone involved in it, the hate which was there inside me for a long time, started to really grow with time. I still hate a lot of them still and looks like it is gonna stay this was for a long time. There were a lot of sleepless nights thinking what would happen next, a lot of nervous moments every time I hear someone has died, maybe for the fear that it could be someone close.

Everything seemed to go against us and my people at that time, and I felt we were being played by the authorities. The authorities, for whom, we the tribals have always been a pain, and honestly, they have never liked us, and we never did liked them. It was sort of a vicious circle spinning from time immemorial. They have always tried to take away our land, and there is no denying that this time they played every card to almost perfection, that what nagged me the most to be honest. Passing bills, enraging the people, killing them, instigating them to fight back, so they could kill some more and finally shut the voices down, making it look like state against the tribals. Which I think was not the case, it was, for me more like people of the valley against the people from the hill.

It was saddening to hear and read about the people who lost their lives during this atrocity, possibly because, I had a common tie with them and I could connect with them and feel their pain, it was even more heartbreaking to know all of them were still so young and some did not even start living their life. Imagine a 10 year old being shot dead, even when he had surrendered and begged them not to shoot, that is not what the armed forces were supposed to do. They were supposed to keep order not to break it. It was painful, to see everything going out of hand, the plight of the people was unheard, and the rage still burning high, all this could have led to a worse situation and for a moment I thought, we were heading towards a civil war, which would have brought a lot more destruction and agony to our people.

Everything that happened was depressing, however as the saying goes “everything happens for a reason”, and there was a reason behind all this too. If not for anything else, all this tension brought the tribal people together. The tribal people who always had the history of fighting against each other, the main reason why they were never taken seriously, all stayed behind. Everyone came together united, shouted in one voice and for one goal; to save the tribesmen and their dignity. If all this, the tension and killings, happened because the unification was supposed to take place, then these heroes made the right  sacrifice. Sometimes dead people can do so much to wake the living ones, and this was the perfect example of that. And in my opinion they would be proud of us, just like we are proud of them.

Not sure how long this unity will stay, noting the fact that we all have that fighter inside us, and we fight sometimes, for insignificant issues while overlooking the bigger picture. And the picture cannot be any clearer than this now, all it takes is for us to be united and realize that we all belong together. And as long as we stay together, there is no one, not single thing that could take away what he have and what we deserve and I hope that as long as this unity stays, we make it count and do something worthwhile, for all the sacrifices made are just a bit too precious to go in vain.

We have lost our paradise once, and this is our chance to get it back. This can’t stop now and this should not stop now. The road is long, but there are ways to get it, only if we will and it will only happen if we are together. For one cause, for one love and for us.