“Walk on through the wind, Walk on
through the rain.
Though your dreams be tossed and
blown.
Walk on, walk on. With hope in
your heart.
And you'll Never walk alone.
You'll never walk alone.”
It's December and I guess you all have guessed how I might
be feeling right now. So.... I thought of starting with a song that constantly
gives me hope through despair. A song that has been constantly telling me to
walk on with hope in my heart.
In continuation to my stay here. It's just been a week,
but seemed awfully long to me. From waking up at 1 pm to waking up at 8 am. From being
with my family and asking them to do everything I wanted to being alone and
doing everything on my own. From dining with family to dining with strangers
inside the hotel. Things are changing and how they are changin. All I can say
is, everything is changing a bit too fast for me. Sometimes it's hard for me to
take it in my grasp but I am trying my best to adjust to it. Adjusting in
rather well I should say.
Things have changed. This boy is finally on his way to
becoming a man. No more behaving like a kid, no more being taken care of. It's
not easy, but it is for the good and it has so far brought more good than bad.
Loneliness and nostalgia might take a grip on me on certain occasions, I
wouldn't say things have been all too bad during this time.
Let me tell you something about this place anyway, though
I am sure that it's not going to be the most interesting thing you've ever
read. This place sucks in every department. Mind you, I am not exaggerating
about it. This is a fact. The place might suck, the people here however are
rather humble. Most of them illiterate and just about able to write their
names. The branch as I said is a small one and there is not much to do. This is
not one of those regular Banks you go to, where people flock in groups the
whole day. It's just different, maybe because of the locality. They say it's a
tribal area and so does it seem to me. Most of the people are either
self-employed or are into agricultural activities. So i reckon you could guess
the kind of customers I deal with.
It sometimes annoys the shit out of me, when everyone
comes in with a blank form in their hands. I understand they don't know how to
fill it up but as a human I sometimes do feel annoyed when they ask for it
every now and then. I guess I am entitled to one or two odd moments of losing
my cool here. There is a good thing about these people however, as i told you
before, they are illiterate and humble, so they know how to respect people.
Really, I mean no one gives a shit about a Bank Manager but these people do.
It happened once, while I was out to have dinner at night
I bumped into one of our clients. I did not recognize him but he did. He
straight came to me, greeted me and introduced me with his entire family. All
the while, they were very polite and nice. I kinda liked it, I mean who would
not.
Things are kind of running smooth at work, I get along
well with everyone here and the work is light, so everything's okay on the work
front. I will not complain about it. I am in fact lucky to be unlucky. People
often complain about the workload and the shits they go through in the Bank
job. But here it's all different. No work load, no pressure. Learning things at
my pace. I forgot to tell you that I am a very slow learner and I have been
lucky that people around me have been rather patient about it as well. So, I am
learning......................... However very slow and gradually. Taking a
small step each day. One more thing, the kind of work I do needs precision and
I don't wanna take any chances as well. One mistake can lead to a serious shit.
So, not rushing into anything but just slowly taking baby steps each day.
Slowly the winter is approaching, though it's not cold
here but December means, it's Christmas time. Christmas means being with
family, having a good time and creating memories. This time it doesn't look
like it's gonna happen for me. Already disheartened with that. Everyday I speak
with my folks at home and everyone tells me, it's cold and it has set the mood
for Christmas already, though it's still a good 20 odd days away, but people
have already started playing Christmas songs, singing Carols and most of all,
the Advent Christmas programmes in every Church. I am missing out on a lot of
thing and I look set to miss being at home on Christmas day as well.
It's already killing me to know that I will for sure miss
it and I am looking set to go through a long December. Do I miss home? Yeah I
friggin do. If God granted me one wish, then I'd wish for a time with my
family. A time, to be with my folks and not have to leave home again.
I sometimes feel life is being cruel to me. Not blaming
the guy above though. I mean, just imagine, we are six siblings, one big
family. Constant visits from friends and cousins were the part of growing up
stages. But now, everything's changed. Each one of us is away from home and
busy with our respective lives. I can tell Mom and Dad would be missing those
days a lot and so are we. I mean none of us is used to living away from home,
and that includes my Dad as well. So you can tell, everyone's feeling just the
same way I am and I think we are entitled to be frustrated once in a while
about how the life has turned out for us so far, not every time though.
When we were kids we always talked about our wishes and
what we wanted to do when we grow up. Having a respectable job was the top
priority for everyone and not to forget living together forever. Well, we all
got our first wish granted and the second however, looks highly unlikely.
Especially when we all have jobs that guarantee change in location every now
and then.
Ahhhhhh.... After all, we are humans, never satisfied with
what we get, always looking and wishing for more. That is what I am doing right
now. All the while I wished that I get myself a decent job and now that I have
it I wished if it was the kind of job where I wouldn't have to leave home.
That's how I am and that's how we all are. Always wanting more that what we
have.
Never mind, so here I am look set to spend my first
Christmas away from home. I am gonna miss home for sure and miss a lot of
things. I wouldn't blame myself if I cry a tear or two during this time. As a
human, I guess I can do that. I am not ashamed to cry as well, it doesn't make
me a girl for sure and hiding my emotions does not make me a man. It does
however makes living with frustrations a bit more easier and takes the load off
from your shoulders. It's okay to cry......... Lads, always remember this. Cry
when you feel like.
Still amidst all these, I have not given up on the hope
that I get holidays and go home. Honestly, I am still secretly planning my
travels and checking train schedules every now and then. However even if I get home I am sure that I will not
be ther for long, just maybe a day or two, but that will work just fine for me.
I can live with that, but not being home on Christmas. That would just be a bit
too much to handle for me.
Holidays and I need to be home for Christmas. I really do.
Hoping and praying that it happens for me, if it does then
I would be the happiest man. Aha!!!!!!! That was a bit out of line I guess. Let
me rephrase myself here....... Oh well............ It would make me really
happy. And to sum everything up....... I wanna see myself happy.
That's it for now. Will see you soon. Till then take care
and stay safe. Happy Holidays.
Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. - Pray for me, I really need those right now. Thank
you. This should have been published a long time back.
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