AHMEDABAD DIARIES: CHAPTER II: DAHOT..... HERE I COME

As Conficius says "A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step." Here I am taking my first step towards what would be constant journey for at least next 3-4 years.

Finally I got my posting orders and it is officially confirmed that I will be posted for three months in a semi urban city of Dahot. I know the name is not exciting. It doesn't excite me much as well. I am due to leave tomorrow morning and yes, not at all excited about it. Not even a single bit. I did not expect them people to post me there. Come on, I don't speak Gujarati neither do I look like a Gujarati. How am I going to survive there. I thought it was not fair on me, but then I never expected life to be fair. So, it's okay. What's got to be done, got to be done.

My bags are packed and I am ready for the journey. I had been told that it's just three hours journey by bus, so that doesn't sound like much on a problem to me.

Morning dawns. I did not even sleep propely the last night. All night I was thinking or rather worrying about how am I going to manage even if I reach there, where am I going to stay and what am I going to do. All these questions, with no real answer. Not much hopeful that I will enjoy my time there and secretly bracing myself for tough times ahead.

By 10 am I left the house, my home for past 10 days, saying goodbye to everyone, kind of feeling sad, well saying goodbye always makes me feel sad. Can't help it. Reached the bus stand. Oh yeah, i forgot to tell you the worst part yet. There are no trains and no deluxe buses to the place I am going to. BEAT THAT!!!!!!!!!! The only way of reaching there is by state trasport buses, which are not a very good option for travelling. After a short wait the bus is ready to leave. On board people from all sphere. From the rich to the poor, from locals to immigrants, everyone present. But all had one thing in common. They all looked at me like they've seenn a ghost or something. Constant stares and a bit of talking within themselves about me and after some uncomfortable look from my fellow passengers, I am finally at my seat. So, earphones on and music played as loud as possible and I am ready for the three hour journey. But little did I know that it takes around 5 hours not three. Screw the guy who told me it took three.

This is how the bus looked like

Okay, everything set. After a long friggin journey which actually was for 5 hours but seemed like more than a day or two. I finally reached the City. Oh well, this is the kind of City with no cinema hall, no mall and not a single place to hang out. Things don't look exciting at all. Trust me, it does not. If only I knew a better way to explain how things are and how the city is.

All said, I finally reached my branch with all my luggage. No more uncomfortable stares and no more feeling like an Alien. Finally the destination. Huge relief!!!!!!!! In all honesty, I had no other options as well. No place to go, no one to turn to. Well, so the branch people, they are nice I must tell you, took me to a hotel. They say it's the best hotel around in the city. Ummmmmmm.... I beg to differ though, it wasn't the ones we get in Delhi, Hyderabad or a place like that, in fact in Ahmedabad for that matter. It was kinda nice though, not bad for the price to be honest.

So there I am, all set to bein a hotel for at least a week or two until my staff find me a place to stay. Honestly though, I kinda like it in the hotel, I have TV and a company. The guy next to my room is nice, he has been in the hotel for the past six months ummmmm.... Maybe more. A nice guy to talk to. He seemed to understand what it feels like to be away from home among unknown people, at unknown place. He's been through this, so I guess he knows it right.

He told me a lot about the city and the people. Well, good insight for me and now I know what to do or what not to. He told me pretty much about everything and now I have a clear idea of how things should be done around here. He also asked to contact him should I need anything, I am not sure if I am going to do that or not. It made me feel a bit better though.

Once again the morning is here and I am already off from my bed at 8 am in the morning. Can you believe it, I mean I am one of those who wakes up at 1pm in the afternoon and eats lunch straightaway. That is all set to change. Not a welcomed change, it has to be made however.

First day in the office, nervous about working with new people but excited at the same time however.

Office peon came to pick me up.Reached office and then the normal routine of introduction with all the staff. Everyone at the branch seem quite humble and nice to talk to. They don't speak much of English, which I did not expect either, not very good in Hindi as well. So, no communication gap. Everything seems just fine, I am treated like a boss on my first day. It felt nice, I am afraid that I might get too used to of it though. Still I am well grounded, after all it's my first day. It's kind of nice, in a way that they all tried their best to make me feel at home, which is always a welcomed gesture.

After a long day, there was not much to do, not that I knew how to do things anyway. But the first day syndrome and it seemed awfully long to me.

It's 5.30pm now and all ready to leave. Peon is ready to drop me to my hotel. I am happy that the day is finally over, there is a sense of sadness however. I mean, I have no home to return to but the Hotel.

This is how it is, at Ahmedabad I had a home to return to but always wished if when I return home there were people I know. Here now I wish if only I had a home to return to, not even asking about people I know. Wishes and more wishes, not sure if they are gonna come true or not, at this time it doesn't looks likely to come true and I am all braced for it, neither do I have any choice.

Back at the Hotel room now, watching TV and talking to family over the phone and dinner is done. Finally, ready to retire to my bed now. But before that, just a little thought. Okay, so things did not go the way I had expected or even imagined, they will not more often than not. Is there anything I could do about it? NO. Even if I had a choice, I would have stayed on and faced what comes my way. So, good or bad just need to accept how things are. But it sure is a lesson, Yeah!!!!!! A friggin lesson. I know if I can survive here then I can survive anywhere.

A bit of displeasure about what's going on but accepting the fact that “Everything happens, happens for the good”. And it better be.

With that hope, I am off to bed. Hope the new day is better than today. Still thanking GOD for everything though. After all people study 4-5 years for a job like this. Not that I am gloating, it is a fact. I am lucky to be here. Just need to concentrate on what I am getting rather than moaning about what I am not.

Things will be fine, I am sure they will be and days will get better.

The diary will continue and I hope to see you all very soon. Till then take care and Stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OF KEEPING MEMORIES AND MOVING ON

There are times in everyone’s life, when we all look back at certain situation, place, person or time. Some fondly while a lot with a bit of sadness and sometimes with grave pain inside. Everyone goes through the pleasure and displeasure, well, in any way which you might wanna take it. These are things we call “memories”. I look back at them a lot. Not sure if it happens with you or not, a lot of times I rather seem to indulge myself in bitter memories than those I could possibly cherish. A lot of people around me complain about this. Yes, people who care, they just say it on my face. Sometimes to the extent of hurting me momentarily with their scuttlebutt, I rather choose to ignore it though. I know they don't mean anything but my good.

Concerning complains....... Well, they are not alone. I do complain about that quite often to myself as well. It’s one thing that I don’t really like about me, oh well, there are a lot of things that I don’t like and honestly, this is just one of them.

The other day I had a conversation with a friend, ummmmmm… A close friend I should say. Someone I don’t hesitate telling everything to, in short my 3 am friend. I say whatever I want to and be whoever I want to and still get away with everything.

As it happened I saw a picture that she had kept in one of her profiles, which in my opinion did not seem like a very good idea. So I just asked her. More because of curiosity than anything else.

Me: Why did you keep this picture?

Friend: Oh, that….. Well, it’s a memory and I feel some memories are to be kept and I think this is one of them.

Me; Fair enough. What if your boyfriend don’t like it.

Friend: Well, it’s up to my boyfriend to live with it, because it’s one thing that I can’t take away.

Me: For sure you can’t take it away and you never will be able to, but why keep them to remind yourself of those times. Doesn't make sense to me.

Okay, let me tell you. We are very close and we probably talk about everything and when I say everything, I mean everything. However there is one small glitch. We don’t seem to agree on anything, we are just the opposite. Be it our likings, hobbies, perception towards things, attitude and overall outlook about life. In short, if she's positive then I am negative, if she is South Pole then I am the North Pole. That's how we are.

I am more of a whiner but that of course doesn’t change anything. We fight, argue and end up being pissed with each other, sometimes proper pissed but the next day everything just seem to go away. The following day all seem to just go away like nothing ever happened to us.

Friend: Well, I think you are just being narrow minded here. It’s just a memory and nothing else, not like I wanna go back to the days but I just wanna keep it.

Me: Oh, me narrow minded?? (In a bit of sarcastic tone). If I were your boyfriend I would be proper pissed and I would not be fine until you take that away.

Friend: Now you are just being a typical guy. (Well, she can get just as much sarcastic when she wants to!!!!!!)

Me: Not being a typical guy, but I guess this is just not right and if I were your boyfriend, it would surely hurt me to know these memories are much more important than my feelings.

Friend: Oh, well you and your feelings.

Me; Yeah, I know, I think about myself just a bit too much and I am selfish. But sometimes you gotta be selfish. Let me as you one question.

Friend: Yeah, go ahead.

Me: Well, imagine I am your partner. Now tell me, if you remove that thing, then would it hurt you?

Friend: No.

Me: Well, it’d hurt me if you kept it.

Friend: That’s your problem then!!!!!!!!!!

Me: So, even after knowing that it would hurt me, you are not going to take that off.

Friend: NO. I will not take it off.

Me: Well, what can I say then? You know how I'd feel and the rest is up to you.

 Friend: Yeah. Fine.

That’s how we ended. Well, that’s how almost all arguments end, without    any conclusion but whole loads of apologies thrown from each sides.

That’s me. Love me or hate me, that’s who I am and I can’t probably change it. You might not agree with me on this and I know a lot of you won’t.

I might be naïve, a bit self centered and selfish, I however know a thing or two about memories. First, things that happen in the past, never goes away. Second, no one can forget what happened in the past whether good or bad. Third, what we all do is just learn from them, live with them and just move on. I strongly feel that’s how it should be.

There might be a lot of things that made you happy and you might cherish it all through your life. You don’t need to gloat about that though. Few things are okay to be kept and cherished, but what’s the point in showing everyone what kind of times you had back in those days, when you know all of that don't even matter to you anymore.

Disagree with me, it’s your wish and everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, I however have just a small question. What if your past brings discomfort to you present? Would you still live in it then? Or would you just move on? 

Simple questions, because I feel sometimes things of past should remain in the past. They should in no way, be brought to your present, especially if it brings any kind of discontentment in the present. Don't regret what you did in the past, because at that point of time it seemed the best thing to you. However learn to just move on and leave them behind when they are no longer important. Doesn't mean that you would in any way forget them. NO. that won't happen and will never happen. Rest assured about that. But why clinging onto them when you know holding on will not do any good. Sometimes it's better to leave what has happened and move on, no matter how lonely the road gets. If it doesn't do anything good to your present then it's better forgotten. I feel sometimes memories are worth the pain, but sometimes they are not.

Selfish, speaking like a typical guy? Yes, I may be, but I don’t do it and I wouldn’t like it if it happened to me.

Just a bit of thoughts or maybe things that I needed to get off from my chest. Relieved now and yeah, mind you....... I have no intentions of offending anyone whatsoever.

That’s it for now, I will be back to annoy you, you know I just can’t stay away from you for too long :P. Hope it's sooner rather than later though.

See you very soon. Till then take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHMEDABAD DIARIES: CHAPTER 1

Hola!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am back. Hope you are all glad to see me. 

I had been meaning to talk to you about my adventure or rather dull time here at Ahmedabad for a while now. But as you might have guessed it, I had been busy and haven’t had much pleasure of using the laptop. Well, now that I am working and on a temporary basis I do have a desk of my own, I think it is going to change and I will be writing a lot more than this. Not that I have a lot of people who read this, but it’s just me who loves writing. So I will be back time to time. The hectic schedule at work cannot keep me away from writing.

When I got ready to leave I received a lot of heart warming messages from people around me and honestly they made all this a bit easier than it should have been. Oh, well if you don’t know about this then you probably should read few of the previous posts. You might have a better idea about it. But as I said, I will be talking about it in a more open manner sooner rather than later. So if you want, you can probably wait for it. I will be posting it soon.

So, here I am in Ahmedabad. God has been rather good to me all along, the journey was fine, though I felt just a bit lonely. I however reached the place safe and sound and with a heavy heart. To my amazement however I found one family I could stay with, nice people I should say and they have really been good to me. And I am thankful, however the pain of leaving home is always greater than anything else. Well, not exactly correct or something that you might agree to, but right now it seems to me so.

So, I have a roof above my head but not a home, I have people waiting for me when I return home from work but no family. Yeah, amidst all this I still feel a bit hollow and there seems to be a void inside, which always deepens during the weekends and honestly, I hate weekends here.

There is nothing to do on weekends, just stay at home and wait for Liverpool's match to start. And the worst thing, I have got no place to go and no one to visit. I wasn't one of those to visit people around back in Delhi, but here things have changed and now I wish if there was at least someone I could probably visit or something. Even, going to church seems like a fun idea right now, which never was an option for me back in Delhi.

Let me however tell you, that this family has done everything to make me feel at home and I have felt at home most of the times. I have everything here, TV, internet, food and I mean everything, the only thing missing is family and friends. Well,yeah, it's wrong for me to overlook the blessings sometimes however I rather seem too concerned about what I am missing than what I am getting here in this strangeland.

It’s been about two weeks now and I heard that I will be posted in a semi urban area in a few days time and I can imagine myself and the kind of time I would have for the next three months. But what else can I possibly say; things don’t always go the way we want them to. Sometimes things happen because there is an importance in our lives. Well, honestly, I am just trying to console myself. I am sad and a bit lost. Where would I go and who would I turn to. Everything just seem to fall apart. If something happens to me then who would take care of me? Now I am kind of emotional, and I don’t like it. I wish if there was a way I could change it all.

Hmmmmmmm….. My heart is heavy and I am just at the loss for words. I guess I need a lot of wishes right now. Hope it helps though.

I know it’s not the end and a lot of people have gone through it even before I knew about it. I am just a bit different here. I haven’t been a momma’s boy in my life but I am just a bit used to of being at home with my parents and family.

I think this is just to make me strong, and I certainly hope that it does, because if it doesn’t then things are gonna get really bad. I wouldn’t like it if that were to happen.

So, I guess it’s time to MAN the fuck up. Face everything with a smile and yes, life will throw challenges at me and I will take every friggin challenge from now on.

I guess this is just what I needed.

Ahmedabad done. Next Stop Dahot!!!! Here I come. Hope you be nice to me.

See you soon.

Saying goodbye twice in two weeks, not happy days around here, I must say. As I said it before, Goodbyes have never been my thing. I proper suck at this.  This time it's harder. First time I said goodbye two weeks back, I at least had a  glimmer of hope that there is someone I can rely on. This time around however, it's new place and new people. Don't know anyone there neither do I have any idea how am I going to stay there. So, it's a bit difficult.

But as they say,all good things must come to an end and so will this come to an end. Here I start the new journey and on my way to writing a new chapter in my life. I hope that this turns out to be one exciting affair. Fingers crossed and everything else that could possibly be closed.

Well, I will see Dahot very soon and you all sooner than that. Till then take care and stay safe.

“The lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear. The lord id the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid.”  Psamls 27:01. 
So, some Bible verses and few things to just keep me strong. Yeah, "You'll Never Walk Alone" the perfect song for moments like these, in fact the perfect song for every moment in life. So, yeah technically I am alone yet "Never Alone."
See you very soon. Till then take care and stay safe.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. - I miss home. I miss Delhi. I miss my folks and I miss YOU.

GOODBYES, TEARS AND THAT CERTAIN EMOTION.........

Okay as I told you, I am leaving Delhi. My home for past 23 years, the place where I learnt everything. From my first day at school, the first step towards being a good boy to drinking  smoking(Oh well, it was smoking pots rather than cigarettes) and  everything bad(well, at least in people's dictionaries). Oh yeah, I learnt few good things as well. And the best thing that I learnt while growing up in Delhi was to realize when to say "YES" and when to say "NO". Here I am talking about my decision to say "NO" to the life I lived while growing up. It was hard, and honestly, a lot harder than most of you can probably imagine. When I decided to finally say no, I knew that I would lose many friends and a lot of them would not talk to me anymore. That's the price you pay when you decide to go in a different way than the rest, I paid it too. Lost a lot of friends, well I can say lost all of them.

That's not what I came to talk about here. Well it's been almost a week since I have reached Ahmedabad. The place is nice, people are good, and in every way it looks like Delhi. But there is only one problem. It is not Delhi.

Again, reaching here alone was not easy, strange land for me but even harder was to leave Delhi. Rewinding about a week, because that's what I came here to tell you about.

I got a job in a bank, happy and proud moment for me to say the least, but it came with a small price. I will need to leave Delhi and report at Ahmedabad. Not even sure if I am going to be posted there or not, but as of now the worst part, leaving Delhi.

A lot of people have gone through this and I am not sure how they cope with it, but I guess I am just a bit too fragile for a guy. To me, it's one of the hardest thing. the closer the day gets the worse it becomes. But I knew I had to do it anyway, so kinda preparing myself for that as well. But no matter how much I tell myself that I will not be alone, the sadness just doesn't seem to leave me. It's hard I tell you.

Just a day left for me now. And all my friends, yeah I have a lot now, mainly because of the football team. Before I get on to anything just let me tell you about that, honestly, I am itching to write about that.

This team, just started as a one tournament thing, but once we started playing, everyone kinda started to bond. And in just a span of few years, we are nothing less than a family. This is one of the best thing that has happened to me, and I am not kidding you.

Not just that we share the same love for football, we all are born and brought up in Delhi. That's a bond that binds us together more than anything. I am not sure if you'd understand about that. I am gonna tell you about that sometime soon. Maybe after I have joined my new work place.

So, as it happened, them people organized a farewell for me. Kind of a formal dinner. Now, dinners and stuff don't look a big thing these days. However, what pleased me the most was that, not only they planned it for me, them people were dead broke to even buy a candy. Them people however, pooled in the money, got enough and organized everything.

So, I was supposed to talk about something or at least say thanks to everyone. So I did. But it wasn't as easy as it looked. I stood up and spoke, with a bout of tears preparing to gush out of my eyes. Did my best not to show but everyone kinda knew what I was going through. Because my friggin voice would just not stop shaking.

Somehow managed to get through the thank you note, put on a smile and had dinner. 

Fast forward to the next day now.

So, the time is here. I am finally leaving. To my surprise, almost all of the football team guys volunteered to drop me. However shortage of space in the car meant that only few of them can come. So they came. Stunned silence in the car, with a bit of uncomfortable smiles around and few uneasy talks. I however knew no one felt like talking. Honestly, I never knew that I touched so many lives, all the while I thought that I was rather despicable, these people however have helped me change that perception a bit. I owe them a big time.

at the station now. Did i tell you that I love trains. I always preferred trains to flights. It's short journey so yeah, train it is for me. Took some pics, for memory and finally the train is ready to leave. Time to say the final goodbye, once again.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm.........

I asked everyone not to laugh if in any way I get a bit emotional, which I was sure I would. Little did I know though that everyone was just as much emotional as I was. We hugged and I could see everyone had a tear or two to shed and so did we. No hesitation, no holds barred, just plain emotions.

Back in the train, heavy heart, crying incessantly and everyone around me looking at me like I am a kid and trying to comfort me. Embarrassing. I however just couldn't help it. So, finally I know the pain of leaving home and trust me, it is one of the hardest thing to deal with. If you are able to manage it with a smile, the massive respect for you.

That's it from me now, I hope you've had enough of it. Yeah I am gonna write more about it in due time. As of now however, it's all that I have to write or should I say, it's all I can write without shedding few tears. 

I will be seeing you very soon. Till then take really good care and stay safe and strong.

Adios!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S.- I MISS HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!