CONFESSIONS OF A LOST BOY

I lie, to make myself happy. Yes I do that a lot, mostly when someone tries to pull me down and I know that they might just as well succeed in doing that. That’s when I lie to myself and tell myself, nothing can break me though I know it will eventually break me down.

I cheat, to achieve something. I steal, to get something I want. I do that. Sue me. That however is not like every time. Yes I do it, but I know when and where to do and when and where not to.

I hurt people, I make them angry.  But that doesn’t always mean that I don’t like them. Sometimes I hurt people I love the most, maybe because I love them just a bit too much. Strange!!!!!! But I do it a lot.

I cry a lot, and I am not ashamed of admitting to it, it helps me to take my anger out and I think it’s so much better than breaking things. I cry when I am depressed, when I am angry, when I am sad, but I never cry when I am happy and honestly, I still don’t understand when people cry out of happiness. I guess I will understand that in time, just like I understood a lot of things slowly and steadily. Time comes for everything. So it will for this one as well.

I am mean, I am selfish and I say really mean things. A lot of times I just think about myself and my happiness. Thinking about the world sometimes is just not my agenda.  I know it’s not right, can’t help it though. That however doesn’t make me a whole bad person. On an off day, I do think about others and sometimes I do think about world peace and stuff, not as much as I would have liked, but I do it time to time.

I hate how I look, yes I do!!!!!!!! I proper hate it. Honestly, I never wanted anything more than to just change how I look. I know I can’t happen, just gotta learn to live with it and gotta learn to appreciate it.

I lack confidence, and I seriously do need to work on that. If I happen to meet you on the street and fail to talk to you, doesn’t mean that I am ignoring you. That just means that I don’t have enough confidence to strike up a conversation. It’s a fact!!!!!

I have trust issues with people around me. I love them for sure, I however can’t generally trust them, I have been made to regret every time I did. As you must have heard, once bitten twice shy, that exactly is the case with me.

I don’t have a lot of friends, but I do have few people who I really confide to. It works much better for me this way rather than to have a whole bunch of people I talk to but none to look up to when I need someone.

I prefer staying alone; I don’t like crowd and all the hustle-bustle. The best place for me to hang out is my room, where I am alone and working on something, either writing or reading.

I am not a very religious person, but that does not make me a non-believer. I do believe that there is a creator, who has control over everything that happens in this world. But it’s gonna take me a whole lot of convincing. I want to believe in religion just as much my family does, but I guess I need a divine intervention.

I am very sensitive, yes for a lad, I really am. So be very careful what you say in front of me. Smallest of things breaks me down sometimes and smallest of things do make me happy as well.

I admit that I do take things lightly more often than not and always try to face everything with a smile. It’s not because I am a funny lad but because it’s much easier to handle things with a smile. Try it, it’s really helpful. 

I hide my feelings more often than not. I don't like it but sometimes when I am feeling bad it works just fine for me, because no one really cares about it anyway. So, most of the times I am okay with hiding them just pretend that I am okay with everything that happens around me even if I am not.

I listen to Demi Lovato. Yes I friggin do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You might wanna laugh at this one, but it’s a fact. She has a good voice and I can really relate to some of her songs. In all honesty I find her quite inspiring.

I have a huge man crush on Daniel Agger. Now you must be thinking it’s a pretty gay stuff!!! Well, sorry to disappoint you, I am just as much straight and no offence to the gay people, I don’t like to be judged about my sexuality.

I tell myself a lot of times that I am strong, deep down inside however, I know I am weak as a child. I like being dishonest to myself on this one; I know no one can help me but myself.

I tell myself that I can take care of myself and I don’t need anyone, but the fact is that I need someone just like every one of us. I know it very well that I can’t face everything on my own but I always try to make myself believe that I am better off on my own.

I tell myself that I am the best in this whole world, and I do it a lot of time. Not because I know that I am the best for a fact, but just to avoid the feeling of being the worst. It helps sometimes and trust me, I have been surviving all along because of this. Not a bad reason to lie in fact.

When things go wrong I like to tell myself that it will get better. Every time things go wrong and when I know I am hurt, I just tell myself that everything will fall into the right place, all it needs is the right time and while it’s bad I just need to look on the brighter side.