FORGIVENESS: Continuation Of The Thought Process...

Everyone, including me, has been hurt by the actions or words of another. These wounds can and almost all the time leaves us with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance. Trust me; I am the worst when it comes to forgiving someone for something they did. There, however have been times when I did, and it felt really great, to tell you the truth. Forgiveness, in my simple view, is an act of caring for myself. When you've been hurt by someone, it can take an almost superhuman effort to move forward. But I've learned that if I dwell in that past, I'm surrendering and giving over my serenity and peace of mind. That's not a wise thing to do. Of course, we all want others to accept accountability and repentance for what they did, honestly though, we can't make that happen. And if amends aren't forthcoming, it's best for us to move on.

I will not say forgive and forget, because I believe we all can forgive but not forget; we just learn to live with it. Forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge and it’s never an easy thing to do. I have failed a lot of times and I assume, so did almost every one of us. Because of one simple fact, that the acts that hurt or offended me have always remained a part of my life and it’s never easy to forget. However I realize that forgiveness can lessen its grip on me and help me focus on other, positive parts of life and it can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiving, however doesn't mean that I deny the other person's responsibility for hurting me neither does it minimizes or justifies the wrong. I can and I am sure all of us can forgive without excusing the act. When someone close to us hurts us it makes us angry, sad or confused. Dwelling on hurtful events or situations, grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility can take root and if you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by our own bitterness or sense of injustice.

I have been unforgiving in the past and honestly, I have paid the price for it repeatedly by bringing ugliness into every relationship and a new experience. One time it felt that my life was so wrapped up in the wrong that I wasn’t able to live the present. There were times when I was depressed and anxious and it felt like I had lost the purpose of my existence, and that I was at odds with your spiritual beliefs. That was the time when I lost precious and inspiring connectedness with others.

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change and I learnt my lessons too little too late. But as they say, “better late than never”, I have embraced this change in me just a bit though!!!! But I can surely say things are getting better.

On personal note however, I still find forgiveness the hardest when the person who's hurt me doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of his or her sorrow and doesn’t show any sign of atonement. That’s when I mull over the situation from their perspective and ask myself a lot of questions, like, what would have I done had I been in their situation. It helps a lot; it’s not a child’s play for me though, mainly because I have a temper, a bad one and most of the times I find it hard to control my actions when I am angry. And when I am angry forgiveness is a far cry. However then I look back at times when I hurt people and was forgiven, a broad view for the people around me helps more often than not. It’s easier said than done however surely effective. No one is perfect and I accept that. Because I know for a fact that I am not perfect and I can’t expect anyone to be perfect either.

By forgiving someone I don’t imply getting another person to change his or her actions, behavior or words. Rather forgiveness should be more about bringing changes to our lives in the form of peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Everyone makes mistakes and there is no stopping it and it’s always best to admit our gaffes rather than sulk in it. Remember, however, you can't force someone to forgive you; they also need their time, let them take it. Whatever the outcome, commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect.