RANDOM THOUGHTS OF CONFLICTING MIND

I am just an ordinary boy, ordinary looks and very ordinary mind. I am not one of those with loud voices or maybe flashy attitude, rather I am one of those who would just stay quiet and go about my work without bothering anyone around me. For a lot of people it is a sign of being a “Loser” and I don’t really mind if they call me one, because may be I am a “Loser”. Talk about how I look, I am not one of those who would floor you at one glance or I might not even be worthy of a second glance. Sad it may be but that is what I am. Am I happy with it? Not much, but yes, still not complaining. So I guess I am okay to be who I am.  I see people around me, kids my age hanging out in groups and going out for movies and concerts. Do I envy them? Yes, I do, a lot of times. I envy guys my age who are popular because of their looks or the things they can do like playing football, guitars and sing. But there is nothing I can possibly do to change who I am or how things are in my life. I just have to learn to live with it and understand that I am who I am for a reason. Then I look at people on the street, homeless kids, people around my age or maybe older than me, begging or selling books at traffic lights. Which never is a pleasant sight to see, but yes it shows that I am lucky to have a roof over my head and loving parents to take care of me. So, I guess all is not that bad in my world.

If I talk about confidence in me, there is only one way to explain it. I cannot even look at a girl straight when I talk to her and I wouldn't even dare to utter a word out of my mouth if I am meeting them for the first time.  It is not because I don’t want to talk or I don’t like talking to them, but that is who I am. Do I feel happy about it? I guess not. However, I have been lucky with great friends here and there, who have helped me throughout this life. Who have been there when things were not quite alright.  So I won’t complain about it either. 

If I talk about how my life has been so far, I can assure you that it would not be a pleasant recap to what I have been. There are a lot of things I have done that I am not proud of. Things that I wish I could change and would not mind if they were erased from my memories as well. I do feel sad and hurt when I think about all that has happened. There were things that did not go my way and life has not gone the way I had wanted it more often than not. Am I happy with the way my life has shaped up so far? I can’t probably say that I am happy but yes, I sure am satisfied with everything. Things could have gone from bad to worse. I am not proud of what I have been, but  I feel that sometimes good people also end up doing something really bad, not because they want to but because they have to.

It has been a great journey so far, pretty eventful I should say. Regrets I have lots in my heart. However as Adele sings “regrets and mistakes they are memories made”, I also believe in it. Memories no matter how bad or even worse they are, they always help in the future. No matter where life leads you or how bad it gets. Remember that is not the end; there is a lot more that life can offer. I know everyone goes through different things and yes I might not know what they are going through. Everything that happens to us happens because we let it happen. I am one of those believers who think that “if it’s not happy then it’s not the end”. I am not an optimist but I am realist who believes that we can’t change what has happened but we can make sure that it all ends perfectly.